I’ve been inspired to write.. To share my thoughts for those interested to read.. am I a writer? who the hell knows..
I wouldn’t want to add pressure to myself since I’ve already decided to embark on the journey of Entrepreneur a title I have only recently decided to own on top of Event and Project Manager at Seeds of Sound Music and Arts Festival (details on that in a few) and Talent Scout/Founder at Always Love
What is Always Love you don’t ask? well.
It all started September 8th 2014
Yes , my nickname to most of my friends back in Jersey is in fact Uncle Jenny , Been a female from the womb but It was bestowed on me for what ever reason for over 7 years and Uncle Jenny/Jay is the name that I’ve embraced.
But it was through this act of love from great friends that I decided to start a movement to inspire others that would not only help people find their creative voice but to continue to use their art as a vehicle of communication and self expression.
Simply saying that I was inspired is a true understatement but I’d like to add moved, loved, & phase 1 of my healing to the list as well. It was a small intimate afternoon of beautiful vibes with my Jersey Music Family after a Year of disconnection due to what I can describe as an full blown existential crisis mental breakdown.
It was that same day I met this Pixle Fairy, Graphics Designer, Fine Artist , My Spirit Partner in crime and Creative Director of Always Love
Nerissa Tutiven .
At the time I didn’t know I was in the presence of extreme talent. Nor was I fully aware that she as well had suffered her own emotional and mental breakdowns due to Trauma. But I can say that day we both knew and realized together we would be the others dreamcatcher.
I will share more of her work and their description in the future . Stay Tuned for More information if you are interested in Purchasing her work.
Together we created Illustrations inspired by songs we knew , Photos we took or conversations of our stories. We shared how we saw the world and even began gathering Quotes and positive affirmations from people we know that Inspired us.
Before Long we had our Logo and our Mission statement.
An organization with a mission to encourage young adults to share their story. Founded with a unified vision by four young adults who have dealt with drug addiction, depression, mental illness and sexual assault, emerging victorious and ready to pass on their story. We believe that visual, written and music arts play a vital role in the development of an individual and provides a channel for one to not only express him or her self, but also as a tool to overcome adversity . We seek to create events fusing together many forms of creative arts to show. (Mission statement Copy and pasted from our FB About page)
Between her abilities to connect and heal people with her art and my abilities to want to inspire people to find healing through creation. We were able to Host our First event at Bloomfield College in New Jersey .
It opened up with Personal Stories, Spoken word pieces from those struggling with different issues . Eating Disorders, battles with Depression, Death, Overdose, and Sexual Abuse.(Stories I will share in the future) And Ended with a Live concert on their quad with vendors.. all friends.
I was even blessed to have Philippe Mastrocola a Graffiti Artist from Canada I met at Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival in 2015.
We helped host a couple of successful community cleanup at a Garden in Jersey City NJ. in the hopes of creating a co-op garden for local creatives to come create and find some peace.
While Life, More Trauma and the difficulties of juggling two worlds in Both Jersey and Georgia created a lot of start and stops. We took a small Hiatus to focus on ourselves .
In January 2017 I helped Nerissa Curate her first Healing and Arts Show . Which was a powerful experience for all involved including myself.
We were all assigned a work of her fine art and were given creative freedom to create a reactionary performance to it .
I had never considered my self much of an artist . Defiantly a supporter/fan of creatives and an organizer of sorts but for the first time since my small moments of stardom in High School classrooms as a comedian or even smaller supporting ensemble roles on that Columbia High School Theater stage .
I chose to express myself as a dancer/ flow artist to this song by yet another talented friend Ryan Egan.
In that moment I entered phase two of my healing and shed a lot of the angst, demons, and pain that I seemed to carry on my back in spite of the events that were beginning to add up in my portfolio that I had yet to acknowledge until this moment.
Here’s a brief Run-Down into my story .
2010–2013 I was a heroin addict for 3 years . If you do the research this epidemic is something I will never fully wrap my head around. But truthfully there was no avoiding it .
June 2012 I died at Bonnaroo after Radiohead ended. after several attempt of CPR I was unresponsive and air lifted, and Intubated on the helicopter and put on life support in the C.C.U unit at a hospital 2 hours away from Manchester . ( though I wasn’t able to respond I remember everything )
I awoke on a Saturday morning convinced for a few hours I was abducted by aliens but after further investigation I realized I more than likely O.Ded on a mixture of things while battling with the affects of withdrawing from Heroin as I was simultaneously struggling with a freak trip and fall the night prior that had me awake Friday Morning to swollen foot level 9 pain.
But back to the hospital.
With a mixture of will and want and lots of water I was able to follow all directions and got my self discharged by Sunday and was told I would be sent to the local woman’s shelter and wait for my friends to pick me up on their way home from Roo that Monday or I could have my sister come pick me up and bring me Back to Georgia where My family lived. (I was still living in Jersey at the time . My addiction was some what hidden from my family but they knew something was up with me even if it wasn’t said)
But I chose Bonnaroo .
I told my sister not to pick me up or tell my parents anything and I threatened the Nursed that I would hitchhike back to Manchester from the Shelter if they sent me there.
They realized I was serious and they pulled their money together at dropped me off at a car service a few miles away and so a few hours later I returned bruised and scared talked my way back in with no wristband in time to get a new one and hear Beach Boys performance on the Main Stage , and ending the night with Phish .
My friends who weren’t that shocked that I returned but expressed their fears the moment they realized I was missing did their best to help me even though it was obvious there was a lot of concern for my mental state.
But it was also just the beginning of the torment I would spend internally analyzing thoughts on Life, Death , Reality but more importantly
How and Why I survived!.
Always a nutcase yet deeper into my addiction I held it “together” until March 2013 My existential crisis mental breakdown/cry for help / botched suicide attempt where I tried to OD on a bunch of things that instead of a deep sleep till forever I was thrusted into a Hallucinated state of madness driven by Paranoid fear.
So what did I do ..
I stole my best-friends moms car completely certain that that’s what “they” wanted me to do and I had in fact died at Bonnaroo and my life was a Truman Show so I needed to go back .
I tried to leave Jersey and drive to Georgia / TN. Instead I was lost in familiar territory 10 min away from the house for less then an hour .. (honestly who knows time did not exist at all)
until I managed to return back to the 2 family apartment I rented above my best friend and his family to a sea of friends who I couldn’t connect with because I was unable to even remember my own name.
I was admitted to a mental Institute in Elizabeth NJ for 7 days released and a few days later I returned to my parents in Georgia and battled my demons with Yoga, ritualistic Guided Meditations a Journey to Catskill Chill Festival ,3 more Bonnaroo’s supportive friends and family.
But the toughest journey was trying to forgive myself enough to realize I would never be strong enough to fight this addiction and live in my truth if I continued to call Jersey Home..
So I visited Colorado, Savannah , Asheville, I then went on what I called a Georgia Venue Tour . Starting with Beck at the Fox Theater in ATL. to A few epic Dopapod shows , War on Drugs, The Growlers, Eye Hate God, Whores, NIN, TAUK, White Denim , Broken Bells, Clear Plastic Masks, Delicate Steve and so so much more.. and before I knew it I was meeting local creatives , artist , musicians and now I am a part of this beautiful Athens-Atlanta community and music scene as a supporter or Influencer . Returned to Jersey in between founded Always Love fast forward to today
The first ever . Seeds of Sound Music and arts festival set for the end of September. Hosted by myself and Anthony Prince. Lead singer and guitarist of The Night Shift. another amazing soul in the sea of the amazing talented people I know and call friends. I will forever promote and support .
I sometimes wonder who do I think I am ? Why am I even doing this?
I guess I’ve always been someone who enjoyed bringing people together.. forming connections creating memories… even more so Inspiring people. supporter of all Hopes and dreams.
Today I decided to tell my story and what I’ve experienced at 33 even though I look 25 ;-) . and just express in my art. Who knows maybe I am a writer . I’ve clearly written 1/2 of my biography . Many thanks to those that lasted this long .
I don’t know why I feel like my purpose is more than just wake up, work, go home , sleep, travel just to escape. Why not try to make my world something greater then simply safe. But I feel right about this . I’m sure many know my story but to those that don’t here it is hope you can find even a morsel of energy to find your voice as well
….TO BE CONTINUED
To understand what Always Love is you have to know who’s behind it . So here I am. discussing my journey , my growth , my thoughts, trying to stay positive in the middle of chaos. (our government or world , our minds, our demons, unexpected circumstances ) and hopefully with my story through events I host or attend will inspire most of us to stick this journey out a little bit longer and find our purpose here on this earth.
For now .. Always Love,
Your friend Uncle Jenny. ❤
