Founders Need Self-Compassion For Self-Care
Blurred or no boundaries between work and home can be disastrous without some self-care.
self-care
/ˌselfˈker/
noun1. the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health.
2. the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.en·tre·pre·neur
/ˌäntrəprəˈnər,ˌäntrəprəˈno͝o(ə)r/
noun
noun: entrepreneur; plural noun: entrepreneurs1. a person who organizes and operates a business or businesses, taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so.
Entrepreneurial self-care is challenging
I do agree with the above definitions. Self-care is helpful during times of stress. And, an entrepreneur does organize, operate, and have financials on the line.
I just think there are a few things missing from these definitions. These definitions make entrepreneurship and self-care seem like:
- concrete, tangible things
- easy to do things
- things that we were taught to do
Wrong. The way they are written now leaves limited room for our true and perceived beliefs and experiences of entrepreneurs and self-care to be inserted into our lives.
Self-care is so much more
As humans living in today's society, we may know that self-care is meditating, taking deep breaths, getting a massage, hanging out with friends, etc.
But what a lot of us don’t know is that many people don’t care for themselves because society has taught us that it is selfish. This leads us to feel guilty, ashamed and scared to think about putting ourselves first — let alone actually following through with it.
Entrepreneurship is so much more
As entrepreneurs, we know that this route is not for all — and definitely isn’t easy.
It involves so much vulnerability, stress, sacrifice, goal making, and reaching — or attempting to reach — long hours, sleepless nights, risk-taking, the continual search for improvement in all the things, and nonstop creativity think thank. This inevitability leads to blurred or no boundaries between work and home, which can be disastrous without some self-care.
society has taught us that it [self-care] is selfish… we need to debunk and reframe what being selfish is
But, safeguarding our health and our sanity is imperative to preventing startup burnout.
New definitions, debunkings, and reframes
Let’s think through some things and maybe write some new definitions.
We need to debunk and reframe what being selfish is. We also need to learn about the different types of self-care and how we integrate these into our lives and hone in on the unique aspects of being an entrepreneur.
Let’s allow ourselves space to step back from the grind and think about ways we can integrate these items into our day to day life — in order to bring more compassion, curiosity, and stability to our personal and professional lives.
Self-ish vs selfish
- Self-ish — Taking care of yourself first. Placing value on your own needs. Acknowledging your limited resources and understanding that what you prioritize becomes your life.
- Selfish — Lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. Making choices that benefit us at the expense of others.
Reading these out loud you can hear the difference — self-ish versus selfish. For the purposes of this blog — and when thinking about your self in the case of self-care — think about self-ish and not frame self-care as selfish.
Some experts say that self-care is the opposite of selfishness because when we do self-care, we become the best version of ourselves. We are able to show up for our friends, loved ones, and family better and be more present with them, therefore, benefitting everyone and not just ourselves.
When we consistently put others ahead of ourselves, we send a message that our own needs are less important.
This unfortunately happens more often than you think. People often feel like doormats. Maybe that’s by being the one who gets stuck with the extra work at the office, the parents who can’t remember the last time they took a moment for themselves, the spouses who feel they can never win, and everyone who chronically puts the needs of others first.
Types of self-care
- Physical — Involves movement, health, sleep, diet, touch, and intimacy
- Psychological — Involved learning something new, thinking, engaging motivation from within, expression through creativity, and intentionality
- Emotional — Enhances emotional literacy, assists one in navigating emotions, increasing empathy, managing stress more effectively, and develop compassion for self and others
- Social — Individuals that are in your life that you trust and can turn to when needed. Allows you to feel connected to others
- Professional — Maintaining clear professional boundaries, sharing your strengths and talents, and living your life and following your passions outside of work
- Environmental — Clean, clutter-free, organized work, business, and personal environment
- Spiritual — Beliefs and values that guide you and that are important to your life
- Financial — Being responsible with your finance and having a conscious relationship with money
Unique considerations
- Isolation — You may be a team of one and/or one of the few individuals in your industry in your area
- Creativity — High demand and constant pressure for creativity and innovation
- Passion — You are likely to be driven by passion, which can be much more emotionally draining than working for someone else or a corporation
- Motivation — You are likely to be highly driven, motivated, and goal-oriented
- Optimism — You are bound to face obstacles throughout your business journey and will likely use them as fuel to reach higher goals
- Persuasive — We know that you know your shit, but at the beginning stages of starting a business there is a lot of mingling, talking, and getting people to buy into your idea
- Flexible — Adapting and adjusting, adapting and adjusting — the unspoken motto of the entrepreneurial life
Space
If you are an entrepreneur, you probably embody some of the above qualities, if not all of them, and maybe even some of these qualities to the extreme.
Maybe you’re so motivated that you never stop chasing after the next goal, or so creative that it’s hard for you to stop writing down and putting time into your next big idea. Or, you’re maybe so independent that you are becoming overwhelmed and feeling lonely at work and home.
See what I am getting at here?
Though these qualities are fantabulous for your business, we need to create space and allow for more balance in our lives.
This is so we can remain and maintain stability to have the longevity in our beloved careers before we burn ourselves out! Cultivate compassion and curiosity about your schedule and lifestyle and allow yourself to put you first from time to time.
Recommendations
Take control and rewrite the definitions of self-care and being an entrepreneur to work for you. Remember — if you are not your best self, there is no way your business is going to be its best self either.
Prompts
These questions are prompts for an entrepreneur's reflection on self-care needs and routines. Ask yourself these to learn more about and challenge some of your beliefs:
- Did you know anyone growing up that had their own business?
- How did you learn about entrepreneurial-ship?
- Were people in your life supportive of your decision to start your own business?
- How do you think of yourself as a creative?
- What was the value placed on work in your household growing up?
- What does selfishness mean to you?
- Do you ever allow yourself to be in a place of not knowing?
- Do you allow yourself to ask questions?
- What was the value placed on hobbies in your household growing up?
TherapyByShannon specializes in counseling men and young adults. She strives to create a counseling environment for positive change where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. She commonly works with stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying no or recognizing emotions, interpersonal connection, intimacy, and anger issues.
Originally published by Shannon Gonter, LPCC, NCC, of Louisville, KY. Edits by Annette Miller for length and clarity in Enriched Couples.
