Entourage, the movie: Living larger than life, bro
The poster for the movie says it all.
Dream large. Live larger. This is the boys’ motto and because you love them, you adopt it as your own. So you live larger: you buy an UltraAVX ticket for the showing of Entourage, the movie, on the very first day (we think?) it is out in theatres in your city. And you buy yourself a pack of those Fuzzy Peaches too — though if you’re being totally honest, you would have bought those things regardless. The heart wants what it wants when it wants it.
Oh, but here come the bros — the fake bros, I should say — saying aloud things like, “Stop with the window dressing and by God, get on with the show! Who had the nicest of #NiceCalves?? Give us what we want, give us the Entourage movie review!”
I will oblige, but only this one time. Real fans of Entourage, of E, of Ari, of Lloyd, of Billy Walsh and all the others, know that the real party and the real fun is being with the boys on the red carpet, never the main event. I mean, once you’re sitting on your seat inside the theatre, then you actually gotta watch the damn thing. Why not linger for a few more pictures, you know?
But alas, I will oblige. Here is not so much a review as much as a rundown of my 10 favourite things from this monumental movie. But first, a reminder of how we got here and what were the stakes.
1) No need to waste any time. If we accept the premise that a life is made up of little, tiny moments that follow one another, and the other premise that stipulates that a life is a terrible thing to waste, then so follows that moments must not be wasted. The movie starts and the bros are already on a boat and they are traveling to another, bigger boat. Yep. Why delay the inevitable?
2) The very real presence of Piers Morgan. Just when you thought you had managed to avoid him on Twitter, and on his Internet column, this heartbroken Arsenal fan keeps popping up everywhere. To be fair to him, however, his role as television host in this movie serves as a good look of the background on the respective careers of each of the five original bros, should there be bros in the audience who may not have watched eight seasons of the show on HBO.
3) Speaking of Arsenal… Your eyes do not deceive you, bro! It really is a sighting of one Thierry Henry at the start of the movie, and he is only one of many, many, many gratuitous shots of celebrities for no other reason than why the hell not. A brief overview of the celebrities who decide that, by God, yes they would like to appear in the upcoming Entourage movie? Pharrell Williams, Gronk, Julian Edelman, Liam Neeson, Common, Armie Hammer, Warren Buffet, David Spade, Jessica Alba. Tom Brady also appears for no real reason, but Tom Brady can do no wrong.
4) But Billy Bob Thornton, Haley Joel Osment, Ronda Rousey and Emily Ratajkowski do not fall into that category, because they legitimately serve the “plot” (we are using a very loose definition of this word) of the movie. Osment, especially, steals every scene he is in; not to say that we had envisioned it all long ago, but we had. Thornton’s “Gold” when everyone calls Ari by his given name is also wonderful.
5) Ari’s nerf gun is framed and hangs on the wall of his fancy office. Because bros never forget what and who they left behind.
6) Ari and his wife at a therapy session. These scenes have long been among the finest things this bunch of bros has ever done, and the one included in the movie does not disappoint. As always, it brings out the very best in Ari Gold, which is to say his rage and blind fury.
7) Vince makes everyone drive for him: that includes Johnny Drama, E, designed chauffeur Turtle of course, and Ratajkowski.
8) Drama does indeed have a few more completely inappropriate and asinine things hiding in that great echo bucket of his that is his head. All of which is to say that the Drama joke to end all Drama jokes, the one from the very first trailer, is one- or two-upped by the end of the movie. And yet, his character, dare we say, has probably the best and most satisfying narrative arc in this opus.
9) Not only does Lloyd get engaged, but he also gets married. And not only does Ari walk him down the aisle as Lloyd’s “closest thing [he’s] ever had for a father figure,” but he also hosts the wedding at his fabulous mansion.
10) The soundtrack is stellar throughout, mixing the old hip-hop with the new, but one moment stole our hearts forever. “We Fly High”, aka that song you danced to in the club in late 2006, is used wonderfully in Entourage, paired up with an Ari Gold buildup.
11) Because we know the bros are eager for one more, just one more, and because we have a kind soul and can’t ever leave bros hanging, we offer this little quiz: guess which celebrity tells E that, “Just because you’re short doesn’t mean you can’t achieve your goals.”
