Two Life Lessons Learned Living in São Paulo, Brazil as a German
Written by Michael Triska — Machine Learning Architect at AMARO
German Culture as an Example for Cultural Understanding beyond “Being on time”
“When I was supposed to go to Argentina in 1936 for the Penklub Congress in Buenos Aires, I received an invitation to visit Brazil at the same time. My expectations were not particularly high. I had the average haughty idea of the European or North American of Brazil, and I am now trying to reconstruct it: any of the South American republics that are indistinguishable from each other, with a hot, unhealthy climate, with troubled political conditions, and desolate finances, messy and managed only halfway civilized in the coastal cities, but beautifully landscaped and with many untapped opportunities — a country for desperate emigrants or settlers and not one from which one could expect intellectual stimulation.” — Stefan Zweig in ‘Brasil: Land of the Future’.
Each of us has a story that sculptured and molded who we are. I grew up in a small village in East-Germany after the wall fell down in 1989, and just like my all-time favorite writer Stefan Zweig, I took the risk of moving to Brazil and left Europe without knowing anything or at least nothing reliable about Brazilian culture and language.
In late 2018, I got a job offer as a Data Engineer at AMARO, a fashion start-up in São Paulo Brazil. I sold everything I owned within one month and came only with 20 kg of luggage. Here is what I learned about Brazilian as well as German culture, life, and myself:
Lesson 1: Allowing Surprises.
Time is a fundamental aspect of human experience. Different cultures, however, think about time and its use in diverse ways; and there can not be a greater difference in the concept of time perception than between Germany and Brazil.
Latin American countries follow a predominantly multi-focused time perception, as to European culture, where time functions on a single-focus approach. Anyone new to Brazil will have to adjust to small unpunctualities and unreliability, to a certain laxity in everyday life. In a business context, that means that in Brazil several things are done at once, priorities and commitments change regularly, something which drives a sweet, beautiful, and sensitive German soul into complete madness and confusion: Germans do not like surprises. 4 pm means 3:55 pm. An unstructured meeting is a rare occasion in Germany. Germans enjoy making plans and following them as actions happening in sequence, to avoid uncertainty and mistakes in the first place. We think that life is a series of controlled states following a predictable and mechanical process.
Germans are less focused on the present than other nations. They are conscious of their past and live with a pronounced awareness of history (see “Erinnerungskultur” or “Culture of Remembrance”) but oriented towards the future. Ever since Germany established its first Social Security system in 1889, as still today state pensions and health insurance are perceived as fundamental public topics. Security is more important than any other topic: That is why Germans hardly live in the present in terms of nature, but with a caring view of the ecological crises in the next 20 years. We look at nature with an almost engineering attitude and exclude every random moment because having everything under control feels like a warm, cozy jacket.
We shape our future by living in the past through our mind’s attachment to memories which then constantly is looking to analyze, breaking down, and trying to understand what will be the next outcome. This gives us the idea that we have everything under control. However, our mind is caught up with the effort to separate what is within and around, and this leads to a place where we get out of balance in interacting with others instead of remembering that we are part of nature, and everything is meant to be in the right balance and harmony. No matter how great our attempts of control are, our minds will throw us into confusion as nature and life will happen without consciousness interference.
For me being wounded and traumatized in my early development and primary relationships, my safest and most nurturing relationship has been with animals, plants, and nature. Here in Brazil, I experienced the most profound healing being in a beach house with my two cats swimming in the ocean, surrounded by a beautiful mountain range. I believe that we should start to carry the profound awareness that nature — as a source of creative imagination and intuition — delivers its response to our healing in many unexpected ways. It might come as an idea, a feeling, a hunch, an accident, a new relationship, or something indescribable. All this includes allowing us to get surprised in an unexpected way and letting go of our effort to have dominance from the mind by the establishment of trust. This doesn’t mean to release the gift of our mind to observe and understand, but holding it lightly and knowing that nature is beyond our human comprehension.
“I love him who is of a free spirit and a free heart: thus is his head only the bowels of his heart”. Friedrich Nietzsche
For me, this life-long learning process takes time to dialogue with parts that feel unsafe like shame, blame, anger, and fear as well as owning and honoring those feelings by attuning our minds with our bodies. Sometimes it is as simple as getting back into the moment by running up a hill in a 6 times interval, a cup of tea, silence, or simply breathing. And sometimes it takes the willingness to feel the experience of old emotional and physical pain consciously.
Our analytical mind is a bad advisor when it comes to what is natural and serves our hearts. All of these would be combined to raise the level of compassion and attention, as well as to be able to trust our way through life, to be in the present moment, and to live from that place of intuition, inner knowing, and guidance in order to move toward our wishes, and intelligent spontaneity. There is no need to control failure.
Lesson 2: Be Curious and Truly Listen.
“Germans have been geniuses at inventing long or what gets called “compound words” that elegantly put the finger on sensations that we all know, but that other languages require whole clumsy sentences or paragraphs to express. […] Learing languages, ultimately, has little to do with discovering the world per se. It’s about acquiring tools to help us get a clearer graps on the elusive parts of ourselves.” — The School of Life
The video shows a small selection of Germans compound words. The German language truly has a word for everything. However, there is no such word for “Small Talk” in German. “Small Talk” is an art that is notoriously absent from German culture and if it happens it’s about facts, numbers, and statistics. When talking to a German, be prepared to talk about how many inhabitants your hometown has. Moreover, Germans are less likely to start a conversation with strangers and it might arise an awkward situation if a stranger asked a German at the beginning “How are you?” as it isn’t just a polite phrase; it is a real and serious question for Germans. Verbal agreements and promises generally regard Germans as mutually binding, regardless of the situation in which they were made. Light-hearted phrases like “We have to go out to eat together” are often taken seriously and can lead to discomfort if they are forgotten.
While Brazilians tend to value a relationship-centered approach, Germans culture is one of intense focus and direct communication. German workers will launch into a business meeting without any ‘icebreakers’ or use commanding language without softening the directives with polite phrases. There is no introduction, no warning “Excuse me, I was wondering.”, there will be no “Attention! Attention! I am approaching you.” or “I will be asking a question.” Just straight to the point. The reason for that is that you don’t want to waste people’s time. Words without any purpose are useless words. At least that is how it is seen from a German point of view. Why would you introduce that you are going to ask a question when you are going to ask that question anyway?
Just as the Brazilian way may seem very disorganized, the German approach can be seen as invasive, pedantic, inflexible, and possibly even passive-aggressive. Indeed, being polite doesn’t mean the world to Germans. This might often seem like rudeness, but may only be a cultural misunderstanding. It is appreciated in Germany if people speak their minds and frankly defend what they think. This also applies to criticism and feedback. It is perfectly normal to pass judgment on what another person is doing and to be blunt when raising objections. Direct feedback is not only expected but also appreciated, as people see it as an opportunity to grow. Direct criticism is not regarded as a personal “attack”, but as a clear and unambiguous comment related exclusively to the individual’s work. Germans praise less while in the Brasil, criticism is often much more subtle and hidden within praise:
I once had my supervisor coming to my table asking me to start an important project immediately and finish it in the next two weeks, as where I needed to explain myself — for one hour — that we have to sit down and think and collect requirements for two weeks before we put our hands on it. In the following review cycle, my supervisor told me that my peers think that I deliver fast and with high quality. Then he turned to his vision and said that I am too slow. HELLO EGO! I started to defend myself and blame others for their incompetence in doing their jobs.
“Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.” — Socrates
If I would have been genuinely curious and would have truly listened in that situation to what’s driving him and why he has this point of view I would have understood the cultural misunderstanding, decision making, rules, and different mindset in project planning and respect those rather than building walls. Good communication skills build strong relationships, demonstrating understanding of the other side’s position and so gaining trust. They ensure that your interpersonal environment is one that optimizes our ability to heal. Both the other person and I have the ability and willingness to understand one another and express kindness to infuse relationships with the healing qualities of trust, honesty, and compassion:
In general, “How” or “What” questions calibrate more for emotional impact than for conveying information. By going from asking the questions “Why do we have to deliver it in two weeks?” to “What makes it necessary to deliver in two weeks?”, or “How am I supposed to do that?” would have led to increased empathy for my position and take out defensiveness of the situation as people will give more thought, and therefore better answers. The beginning of empathy comes from a place of wonder and honoring being in the not-knowing. And with that genuine curiosity for the other person, you start to learn from them without judgment. Building healing relationships and a climate of trust with your co-workers can provide one with opportunities to practice self-care and to share with others ways to foster open communication and caring relationships that support greater personal wellbeing, both in work environments and in other social situations.
“The simplest act of human kindness is to acknowledge one another.” RuPaul
Conclusion
I know that my picture of Brazil is not complete and cannot be complete. It is impossible to fully know Brazil. But Brazil taught me that if we have the willingness to take risks, to move in new directions, to take initiative and act in that sense of trust, we will feel that fire and spark of creativity; we will move in new directions and grow as our experiences unfold. However, if we are not working with our life’s journey consciously and if we are caught in our own individual egos, we will act reactively, will be quick to anger, and at its most extreme we will be aggressive and act out in destructive ways.
The peace of the world has never been threatened by Brazil because its pride and heroes are not generals, but statesmen like Rio Branco, who knew how to prevent wars through common sense and council. In this sense, Brazil seems to be one of the most exemplary and therefore most endearing countries in our world. I came only with 20 kg of luggage, and now, slowly, even the European arrogance which I unnecessarily packed in that luggage is melting away and I am grateful for all lessons and wisdom I gained here.
