My take towards the Bawang (Part 1)
I have constantly been a bawang.
We, Malays, would call it ‘Makcik bawang’ and sometimes ‘tak sayang mulut punya orang’. The word ‘Makcik Bawang’ originates from a group of Malay aunties gathering to cut onions, at the same time, they start gossiping about others. (Ahem!)
This is about 15% of Malays in Singapore.
But this is not about politics — This is about the Aggressive Makcik Bawang.
In my opinion, our Malay people are sort of improving. We have more of the liberals, but we still have the narrow-minded (BORING). However, our older generation seems to pressure the younger ones to make up for the shady side of our race.
There are different types of pressure: Higher education, not having the first kid out of wedlock, saying no to drugs, not landing oneself in prison and lastly, proving your kid is better than theirs.
No doubt in every big family there is a makcik bawang. This individual comes to your home for a visit and rudely gives her opinions like as if she stayed there (You pay meh?). She is the reason that some families fall apart — their tongue is sharper than parang, and then there’s me, using words to make them fall off their bawang old rattan chair.
Not all of us, the millennials, have the inclinations to have a kid out of wedlock, randomly punch people or be pressured to take drugs.
Have you seen the prices in Singapore? It’s ridiculous that sometimes I think twice about buying chicken rice from a makcik stall when I can buy fast food at the same price and get a bigger portion. (No offence to all the makciks that sell chicken rice.)
So what makes you think some of us appear not to use our head? We think of money constantly, we reason a lot and we will try to micro-manage everything. If we ever make any mistakes, we learn from it, we seek forgiveness and move on from it.
We, as hell for sure, do not need your input. (No thank-you Makcik!)
Some of us do not like being pressured to be the kid that is used to show-off in any events only to fail — Some of us just want to live awesomely, achieving financial freedom and not survive on eating Maggi Mee as a meal.
Not all of us like being judged for what we choose to wear, what hairstyle we sport, what music we listen to and in fact, behind those slurs you have for us, you fail to see who we really are: smart people.
And never put us in the same group as those who weren’t quick enough to withdraw from peer pressure among their selection of bad friends.
I have had enough of those makciks telling one another:
“Oh she is being raised by a single mother, confirm the child turn haywire.”
“What kind of music are they listening to? Rosak la anak dia.”
“Why she wear like this? Like a prostitute, her mother never teach meh?”
“You see, they confirm kene nombor, their furniture so new, the walls are all painted and wah, have you seen their kitchen? Fuh.”
“Huh, she got child already at this age, haven’t married yet kan? The mother never teach meh?”
“Huh, why you allow your daughter to smoke?”
Some of our actions do reflect badly on our parents but in my case, my mother shook off the bawangs in my family when my sister became a Creative and me, never mind. (hahaha)
Millennials, like me and my sister — we choose to live differently, and our style of clothing is different. I don’t don the Hijab and she does.
“Adik pakai tudung, kakak dia tak? Tak malu ke?”
A tricky question at times because we are born Muslim and you kinda have to don it and answering with the truth may look like you are too liberal with the religion.
On this topic, the makcik bawangs would use it to highlight our wrong-doings and how sinful we are. Oppressive sangat nah makcik? (Oppressive much, makcik?)
My sister dons the hijab and has always been better at it than me, I chose not to wear due to my job and how I am not ready to don it and my mother has never pressured us to wear it. But then, kubur sendiri, kita jawab sendiri kan? (we answer to our own actions when we die)
It’s ludicrous sometimes that I assume this group of bawangs cover their own insecurities about their child or grandchildren to start nitpicking on others.
Imagine my mum being a divorcee while raising us, was the hot topic on their tongues for many years of her life.
My single mother chose not to remarry and chose to work long hours so we could live comfortably without the help of any man; she chose to be independent.
I am not throwing shade at them but my mum did raise us well. (I am proud of you, mama!)
Not many of us like the idea of putting an act, or showing off what we are capable of spending on in front of others, where is the humility in every family? Like menunjuk-nunjuk gitu, menyampah lah. (Showing off, disliked.)
Some of us are less educated not because we weren’t pressured to do so but we choose to work and help our family. Usually, the elder siblings sacrifice their need for an education so that their younger siblings can embark it without any financial problem and like me, I don’t mind at all — Since Singapore education is pricey.
But some of us choose not to be well-educated because “studying is for the richer Malay family” and usually, this happens in the family of bawangs. I speak from the first-hand drama that I witnessed during a Raya visit.
“So what if you’re a diploma or degree holder, you will end up being a housewife.”
“You don’t know how to do house chores or cook a nice meal because you spent too much studying.”
“Later you study so high, your future husband would feel inferior cause you are smarter than him.”
“Later your husband find another woman that isn’t educated like you.”
“No Malay man would want you.”
But what if…
I am educated yet my household chores and cooking skills are amazing.
My would-be husband knows what I aim to achieve and he supports it.
I am smart enough to walk away and not be foolish to settle for less, if he ever finds himself in a scandal.
No Malay man, no problem. A multi-racial relationship could be interesting and challenging for us, educated women.
Imagine now, the makcik bawang’s face turned white if you reply this way.
Thank you for reading.
E n d of P a r t 1.
