Repentance: A Noble and Worthy Goal
Just as you may need patience in coming to forgiveness, the other person may need time to come to a place of repentance. One of the hardest things to do is to admit you have wronged another person and caused pain.
Understanding the depth of the wrong and the amount of the pain can take time to assimilate. Taking time to get there does not mean repentance won’t happen at all; it means coming to an understanding of the need for repentance is a process.
This is how God deals with you. As you learn more about who he is and the nature of his holiness, the more you come to realize how substandard your actions are. However, God does not condemn you for this but gives you time to come to repentance. Listen to these reassuring words from 2 Peter 3:9: “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
Repentance is a noble and worthy goal. Therefore, repentance is worth waiting for. In an ideal situation, as you journey toward a point of forgiveness, the other person is working toward a full understanding of their need for repentance. Reconciliation and relationship renewal occur at the crossroads of forgiveness and repentance.
Sadly, there are some people who will never truly repent of the wrongs they have done to you. They are blinded by their own denial and self-deception. This will, undoubtedly, retard your journey to forgiveness, but you must not allow it to derail you. If repentance is not possible for that person, understanding and forgiveness is possible for you. The other person may choose to remain mired in deception and denial, but you can free yourself from your anger and bitterness.
Forgiveness is a release, but it is not a release of your personal power. Rather it is a release of your anger and a restoration of your true power. If forgiveness was a release of power, then God would be powerless, for God forgives. In the paradoxical nature of spiritual things, when God forgives us, instead of releasing his power over us, he draws us even closer to himself.
Forgiveness is the standard by which God deals with us. Listen to the words of Jesus recorded in Luke 6:36–38: “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
I’m not sure there is a theological concept harder for me to grasp than forgiveness. At the same time, there are few things more achingly beautiful than watching forgiveness unfold. I may not always understand it, but forgiveness always moves me when I witness or experience it. Because it is so difficult at times to grasp and really put into practice, forgiveness over the years has been an important subject and a significant part of what I do in counseling.
Authored by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center • A Place of HOPE and author of 37 books. Pioneering whole-person care nearly 30 years ago, Dr. Jantz has dedicated his life’s work to creating possibilities for others, and helping people change their lives for good. The Center • A Place of HOPE, located on the Puget Sound in Edmonds, Washington, creates individualized programs to treat behavioral and mental health issues, including eating disorders, addiction, depression, anxiety and others.
