Evangelicals Give Trump A+ Rating as ‘Leader Most Likely to Trigger End Times’
WASHINGTON — In a recent religious summit, Evangelicals gave high marks to their favorite sinner, President Donald Trump, for inflaming global tensions they pray will accelerate the timetable for the Rapture.
The Rapture may not be a familiar term to most Americans living in a bubble called Reality. It describes an invitation-only jamboree for Christian believers who will rise up with resurrected dead believers into Heaven to join Christ:
…and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air, where the righteous shall be seateth in comfort ahead of non-believers struggling for leg room and gnashing their teeth on stale peanuts…
Indeed, many Evangelicals believe Mr.Trump’s earthly reign was foretold in the bible:
A fair-haired warrior shall descend from his golden throne to sit in an oval chamber where he will reign over a time of a Tribulation with very high ratings. And his followers shall drink from overflowing cups of cool aid…
Evangelist and conversion therapy promoter, Franklin Graham, put it most succinctly, “While most people are lazy and happy to put off the end of the world for thousands of years, we Evangelicals want it done yesterday. And nobody does armageddon better than Donald Trump.”
