Trump Pardons His Own Reflection in Funhouse Mirror
The President hands Arpaio a “Get Out of Jail Free Card”
WASHINGTON (S. J. Newman)—Perhaps in a practice run for a future constitutional crisis, President Trump last night pardoned his own reflection in a White House funhouse mirror.
Mr. Trump’s full length “skinny” mirror, according to a White House staffer, appears to “magically shave off 100 pounds from the president’s full figure while revealing a slimmer looking racist birther who’s in dire need of a presidential pardon — or at least a good BJ.”
After announcing the pardon, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said it was a “mere coincidence” that the president granted a full pardon for criminal contempt of federal court to his distorted reflection during a Friday night news dump and the landfall of hurricane Harvey.
Though Ms. Sanders appeared to be winking while she defended the president’s controversial pardon, Andrea Mitchell reported that Sanders’ “playfully raised eyebrow was actually spray paint misapplied by a drunken makeup artist.”
Mr. Trump’s former personal shopper, Midge Trendi, said the president often admired his reflection in his slimming mirror, asking it: “Does this lawsuit make my ass look guilty?”
__________________________________________________________________
S.J. Newman is a freelance Creative Director. Please like, comment, share. See the usual suspects walk the red carpet of shame at American Perp Walk
