Caregiving in the time of COVID-19
By Debbie Tahany, American Family Insurance Testing Engineer Specialist
I love people. I love community. I love my faith, which teaches me to care for others.
For 23 years, I’ve been a member of St. Dennis Catholic Church in Madison, Wisconsin. When I became a respite care volunteer through the parish, I wasn’t expecting to get more than I gave.
I’ve seen the need for respite. It brings me joy to ease the heaviness that caretakers bear. I reap the reward, too.
My grandmothers lived with us. My parents inspired me to do respite care as I watched them help their aging parents. Over time, roles change and the people who cared for you when you were vulnerable need the same in return. My mother did so without fanfare.
I found this to be especially true when my mom passed away unexpectedly after surgery. When I returned to her home that night by myself, I answered mom’s phone and it was an 80-year-old woman. For more than an hour, I listened to her talk about all the respite care my mom did for her.
Mary and me
I met a very quiet 99-year-old Mary Vinje-Wanless last year, who I now call a dear friend. I spend time with Mary so her daughter and live-in caretaker, Sister Pat, can leave their apartment for a few hours.
Some nights, we listen to music and fire up a light projector which surrounds her with sounds, colors and patterns. She is very comfortable with silence and is truly a prayerful person. She taught me that sharing presence and time together is more important than any activity.
Mary loves Olive Garden’s chicken Parmesan and the movie “Holiday Inn” starring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire. It’s so wonderful to see the joy she gets from simple pleasures.
Turning 100 in COVID-19
Visits with Mary were put on pause in March because of COVID-19. We needed to stay socially distant. Weekly phone calls are not the same as being in her presence. We did find a new way to relate, though. Each Friday, I call for the weekly grocery list and deliver it Saturday at the front of her apartment.
During this new routine, I learned that Mary would be celebrating her 100th birthday on May 27. A group of friends came by her apartment and serenaded her.
My husband and I brought her a small cake and a gift card. We’ll be picking up dinner at Olive Garden for her soon.
In a century of life, my friend experienced two beautiful marriages, has five children, three great-grandchildren and two great-great grandchildren. Mary is also a two-time cancer survivor.
Now, I wait for the time when we can renew our face-to-face visits. It is much more than a simple pleasure — it’s an honor for me.
