Collaborating in an exhausted world
10 reminders when facilitating community groups in turbulent times
Written in November 2021 by María Mayor
For the past year at @amitycic we have been facilitating a different community group most evenings. These are groups that get together to take climate action and co-create ways to improve the environment where they live.
One of the things many of our participants seem to have in common when they enter the virtual or physical room is that they feel tired, exhausted, overwhelmed. This has been resulting in many people feeling they do not have time and energy for community action.
After listening to the reasons people give when feeling they don’t have time for community action, I have been reflecting on what else might be going on. My guess is that it is not solely related to people having busy lives or changes in circumstances -participants of programmes run in previous years also had busy lives and changes in how their lives look before they joined our programmes.
What seems to be happening is an increasingly nagging sense that things out of our control are happening and that no one knows exactly what is going on, how long it is going to last, what is coming next or how all of that is going to affect us personally and collectively. In truth, we never really know what’s going to happen, and even though we crave certainty and control, that too is an illusion. Realising this can leave us confused, uncomfortable, overwhelmed and feeling like we lack mental bandwidth.
Whether it is to do with the covid-19 pandemic, shortages, increased cost of living, climate change, social injustice… for some there is a sense that we will never get back to normal, whatever that means, and many sense that from here it is all going downhill.
Given all of this, how do you facilitate groups when you, or others, feel depleted?
Here are some things I am re-learning as I go and have found useful when facilitating community groups during the pandemic and beyond, regardless of the state of mind people show up in. I hope you find the following reflections useful whether you are a facilitating a group or working with others to create change.
- How you feel before the session is irrelevant. So many times I make meaning of my feelings before a session. Most of our sessions are evening sessions and some days I have not felt like doing them. I could easily make up many reasons for the way I was feeling like I am not good enough, this work is not what I am meant to be doing, and many more random reasons. Thankfully I know that my thoughts/feelings are not to be trusted and they are not a reflection of reality. Once I get in the room, all that dissipates and my attention is completely on the group.
- Create space at the beginning to check in with people. If you have time, this can be very useful. The only way we are able to know that people participating in the groups we are facilitating feel tired is by creating space, at the beginning of the session, to hear from everyone, to understand what is going for them and what they might need to fully engage, this leads to
- Be willing to throw your plan (if you have one) out of the window. Work with what emerges, participants come first, agenda (if need it) comes second. Be flexible in your session design and facilitate from a free mind. Respond to what you hear people need. Sometimes they need to finish early, sometimes they want to explore new things, resolve something, or get into action, sometimes they want to step back and listen, reflect or get into breakouts... Given what you hear them say, adapt the session and respond to what emerges moment to moment.
- There is always less to do than you think. Keep it simple. The group has all the answers they need inside them- creating the container and holding the space for realisations to occur is more important that the form of the session. Get yourself out of the way and support the group to do the same in service to the group’s purpose. Be completely open to be used by the group and the collective intelligence. Orient yourself towards their brilliance and potential.
- When people show up scattered, guide them to a quiet and hopeful place. The busier their minds are when people join a session, the quieter you as a facilitator need to be. If people are in a low mood they will feel hopeless and won’t be able to hear/learn/participate. So it’s important you don’t get busy with them, that you get quiet and draw the wellbeing in them, from there you can all move to a learning friendly space, where hope and possibility are present.
- When in doubt ask the group. Are you stuck and don’t know what to do? Ask the group. Ask them where they want to go next, give them agency and choice.
- If it feels hard, you are making it about you and not them. It is always about them. If it starts feeling hard is an invitation for you to get more present, to fall deeper into connection and listening.
- If everything else fails, remember the basics: be present and listen. We were in the middle of a tricky session with residents, council and police officers being present in the room. This was the first meeting together and residents were complaining about how useless sessions like the one we were hosting are because nothing ever changes. Then this thought came to me: step back, be present and listen. And from there I was able to feel connected to them again and listen more deeply, be fascinated about what they were saying and respond in the moment. We arrived to a place where everyone felt heard and understood, and started to see what things are helpful to understand when interacting with others to create change.
- The more we all understand what is true about human beings, the easier it gets to create change together. When we see what we all share, how our experience is created, and look beyond our masks to who we really are, we stop taking things personally, we connect in deeper ways, are open to seeing something new and work together in a more effortless way.
- Your feelings are not letting you know about how the session went. Ask for feedback at the end of each session and tweak future sessions accordingly. Don’t use your feeling as a gauging mechanism, your feelings are only ever telling you one thing- what is going on inside of you.
I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.
We have learned so much over the past 8 years working with groups, especially this past year and half of working intensively with community groups in the middle of a pandemic, that we are launching an experiment: a facilitation programme for change makers and wellbeing professionals. It has been a long time coming! If you are curious, express your interest here and we will be in touch to arrange a conversation: https://forms.gle/wtfEbVVi8Tm45iu67
