MumZee Controversy: Debunking Misconceptions about Feminism in Nigeria
MumZee, @_Debbie_OA, an X user sparked a huge conflict on X this weekend. This week, not surprisingly, TVC’s Your View took it up.
It was an issue addressing waking up early to feed your husband. This led to controversial and heated debates. Amidst this, Debbie (MumZee) has received up to 15m naira in cash and kind. Let me tell you the story.
The MumZee Story Unfolded
An X user, MumZee, simply replied to a post of a lady who said she would wake up early in the morning to cook for her husband who provides for her.
MumZee retweeting, declared that since the day her husband came home to tell her a colleague said she would bring an extra spoon so they could eat together at work, she began to wake up as early as 4.30 am to cook for her husband stating herself as a Prov. 31 woman.
This story has sparked outrage among the supposed feminists. With some calling her insecure and others mocking her. Some X users, not surprisingly, men adored her and gave her gifts and cash for that post. Not only that, various brands like Infinix also partook in this gift-sharing.
Beyond that, she started last week with less than 500 followers and has managed to begin the new week with about 141k followers.
All this is not surprising in itself, however, there are many points to pick out from that story.
Feminism in Nigeria: A Misunderstood Concept on Social Media
First, one of the major things I have noticed on X is that most Nigerians don’t understand the concept of Feminism.
Feminism does not mean to hate men or to refuse to respect the male gender.
No, it means to advocate for the rights of women.
To seek to go beyond the traditional shackles placed on women. But somehow, that has been bastardized, with women saying they don’t need men. This is so not true as we need each other.
Some men boldly declare Feminism as not biblical and to support their view, quote the bible verse which says the wife should submit to their husband (Eph 5.22).
I always ask them to read on to the next verse, husbands are to love their wives like the church did. Note the word, LOVE, there. This, most men can’t boldly say they practice.
You can’t claim to truly love someone and want only your needs to be satisfied in that relationship. It just cannot work.
This is what breeds discontent in women and encourages that special brand of Feminism that has shown up on X.
This author also has to agree that most men don’t know what submission means.
Submission and Patriarchy: A Nigerian Perspective
For some Nigerian men, submission means that the wife does every one of her wifely duties, cooking for them amongst many others. With respect being the major issue. Some have gone so far as to say a woman should not speak while they are speaking.
This is because the majority of them see themselves as the breadwinner and the head.
Not wrong, men are usually the head of the house and most times the breadwinner. Generally, men earn more than women with more men working.
However, that is not the case completely anymore. There are so many women out there who provide for their families too with a lot of women being successful.
If that is the standard and the reason to be worshipped then I beg to disagree.
Paying school fees, house rent, and other bills was a joint duty in my house growing up. There are many times my mum has paid it all before my father gets the money. Being the breadwinner is not reason enough that a man should be treated as king.
It is a simple courtesy to wait while another is speaking, making it a command shows how dismissive some men are towards their wives.
When a man shows he loves his wife, respects and honors her, and treats her like a queen, there would be no reason to argue about who is treating whom. The issue of submission won’t even come up. This is because the woman knows her duty and is willing and happy to do it.
Even, if the man does pay all bills, that is no excuse to treat your wife as a second-class citizen.
She is entitled to be tired, there is nothing bad if a man cooks for his home. I know a man who loves cooking so much (he is a chef), that the children grew up believing men are the better cooks (you might think so too).
My point in the case is this, treat people in the way you want to be treated. You might not be able to cook as a man, or a female you love to cook, don’t let your opinion matter in someone else’s marriage. Because you do it does not make it a viable option for everyone.
I believe relationships should be based on trust, open communication, and love. You can’t truly say you love someone and you are not willing to find ways to make life easier for your lover. Let everyone try to make their relationships work in the way they think right.
Feminism and Personal Choices in Marriage
I have found out that when you make something compulsory, people tend to rebel against that. When you feel you are deprived of your choice, it sparks rebellion (I am backed by science- the reactance theory).
Almost everyone has done this, you are sitting in a restaurant for example, and your friend says don’t look now but I think X is in the booth behind us. The human nature in us will choose that moment to want to look. It’s normal.
When people are given a choice, especially rational ones, there is a 90% chance, that the person you are giving the choice goes for what you want. When you make it compulsory, it sparks discord, complaints, and hate. It doesn’t have to be a verbal choice.
Let me give you another example, a married couple usually leaves home at 7.30 am every weekday for work. As a result of this, the wife wakes up as early as 4.30 (like MumZee), to prepare breakfast for the family. While the husband wakes up the kids and ensures that they are bathed. She takes out the garbage and the husband gets the kids ready for school.
This woman believes in Feminism, but do you think she will find it hard to cook for her family and perform her wifely duties, especially when she knows that she doesn’t have to do all the house chores on her own?
Making your marriage work is a personal opinion and castigating someone for doing something that’s necessarily not bad for her husband is wrong. I understand the point here though.
The Impact of MumZee’s Post on the Feminist Movement
In Nigeria, patriarchy and patriarchal mindset is still a thing in many aspects, especially in marriage. The feminists are fighting for the fact that they want a change, they need a better generation of men.
So that boys will be raised with a different mindset from their fathers.
However, somehow something has gone wrong, bitter women have taken up this call saying men are not useful for anything except for reproduction.
Thereby, turning the entire gospel of feminism upside down. And the men, some of their mentality was ridiculous at first, but now appalling. With two sides warring so vocally and hatefully, peace is not something to be discussed.
And MumZee’s post hasn’t helped matters. She however did not intend to proselytize waking up early to cook for your man. She only stated what she was doing to keep her home.
It is your choice to follow her or not. Criticizing her should not be the order of the day.
Wrapping Up
Feminism should not be a necessary evil women hide behind. It is a tool for power. To say you deserve to be treated and respected as a fellow human, not simply as a maid and childbearing device.
MumZee only did what she felt was right as a wife towards her husband. Taking that and spinning it into her being insecure and too submissive is your opinion and it doesn’t have to be aired.
Husbands should not expect their wives to act like MumZee, consider your wife’s feelings too. Besides, how helpful are you at home?
Let’s agree now that NOBODY IS PERFECT, and so learn to open up to one another. If you find it hard as a wife, speak out to your husband. You could try a counselor. Don’t let this fester in your heart when you can resolve the issue.
We all need to speak to ourselves, go back, and learn the true meaning of those words we say and use. That’s the only way we can grow as better humans and better parents.
