From the Frying Pan Into the Dishwasher

Conversation between the NT (neurotypical) me and my Aspie husband….

Me: (exasperated sigh) Did you put the frying pan in the dishwasher — the one that was soaking on the stove?

Him: Did I?

Me: Yes.

Him: Was I not supposed to?

Me: Have you heard me say don’t put pans into the dishwasher if they’re soaking?

Him: Sorry.

Me: Don’t you want to know why?

Him: I won’t do it again.

Me: When you put a pan into the dishwasher, the stuff that’s stuck on the bottom of the pan gets dried onto it and I have to work twice as hard to scrub it off. (Pause) I have told you about this about a million times.

Him: Sorry.

Me: (nicely..no, really, I said it nicely) Why is it you have trouble remembering this?

Him: I’m sorry. I can’t do anything right, can I?

Me: I’m serious. I really want to know why this happens. I mean, what goes on in your mind?

Him: How would you react if I brought up every mistake you make?

Me: What’s that got to do with —

Him: You get on me for everything. I wouldn’t mention it if you did something. If you spilled coffee on the rug and didn’t clean it up, I would just clean it up.

Me: (Silence)

Him: I would never mention anything.

Me: Well, you should.

Him: I know how much you hate being wrong. I would never bring up anything you did.

Me: You picked a bad example. I have never spilled anything and not cleaned it up. You, on the other hand —

Him: Why do you have to get on me all the time?

Me: Why can’t we talk about anything?

Him: I will never put another pan in the dishwasher.

Me: It’s not about the pans. I’d like to be able to inform you of something and have you pay attention to it.

Him: I will never wash another pan.

Me: (Silence)

Him: Sorry.

Me: I think we are going around in circles.

Him: Sorry.

Me: This has gone beyond the pan thing.

Him: I will never wash another pan.

Me: (Opens mouth. Closes mouth. Scrubs pan.)