The Art of Doin’ Nothin’ in Particular
We had a great weekend recently. It was nothing special; we visited old friends (of mine) and family (mine). What made it unusual was my husband Garret was with me doing stuff I wanted to do and not conveying anxiety, nervousness, or boredom. He was there just for me.
I can’t tell you how rare that has been in our marriage. Part of me kept thinking, I should ask him if he’s bored, if he needs to leave, but I kept my mouth shut. Now, he did take a walk when I was taking a tour of an amazing music store in Fort Wayne. He took a walk when I was in Starbuck’s with my cousins (and got lost). He read the paper in the car while my cousins, brother and sister-in-law, and I did an Escape room (he is somewhat claustrophobic. Also doesn’t particularly like solving puzzles).
But he showed no signs of let’s-hurry-up-and-get-out-of-here, which has almost always been the case in the past.
So what has changed? Partly, I have, over the years. I do not expect him to spend three hours talking to my family or friends. One hour, yes. I stick by his side and don’t leave him on his own. If he has to take a walk, I don’t get uptight about it.
But he has changed, too. He is more open to being with my family. He is more open to doing things I want to do without complaint. He is more present mentally and emotionally. He also is becoming more considerate of my feelings and wishes.
My task now is to stop myself from worrying about him being inconvenienced. In the past, I’ve always excused him from having to be present. I have to take some responsibility for writing the second fiddle part in this marriage.
I am worth being inconvenienced for, darn it. I have been inconvenienced. It’s what you do for family and friends, with joy, so it isn’t really being inconvenienced. It’s being WITH.
Anyway, husband gets a credit on the ledger.