Rules of the Subway
Pay attention people. There are rules.
Relax
First of all, if you are lucky enough to be seated on a crowded train, stay seated until the train comes to a stop at your station. Don’t stand-up early and try to move towards the door. That makes things more crowded for everyone. And it’s annoying. So sit down and relax.
And speaking of relaxing: Relax, no matter where you are in the train, you will make it out at your stop. Everyone does. So, move into the center of the car. Don’t bunch up by the doors. Move in. Move in. Move in is probably the most important rule. Except maybe remembering that there are other people— your neighbors— traveling with you. Be aware and respectful. Don’t take too much space, and don’t be a dick.
Turn Sideways
I know you like to stand with your back to the door. That’s cool. I like to stand there too. But you can’t continue to stand there when people are getting on and off. You have to turn sideways and let them pass. Turn sideways. You can do it.
Now, if someone continues to stand in the way of the door while you are boarding the train it is OK to gently bump against their exposed shoulder. I said gently. Don’t be obnoxious about it. In fact, it never pays to be obnoxious on the subway. Even when people are obnoxious around you it’s best to be cool. Confrontations on the subway never work out for anyone. The crazy person always wins.
Squeeze Against Your Neighbor
Subways are mass transit. The mass stands for massive. As in massive amounts of people. The trains get crowded. Very crowded. If you want to get to work on time you’re gonna have to squeeze against your neighbor.
There are some things that can make it less crowded for all of us. First and foremost, take off your backpacks, messenger bags, purses, briefcases and hold them at your feet. Big backpacks take up as much space as one of your neighbors. And secondly, move in to the center of the car. Did I mention moving in?
It’s okay to politely ask someone to move in to fill open space in a car. However, many times there is a baby stroller or child in that space that you can’t see. Please be respectful of people traveling with kids. It’s not fun to be on a crowded train with a little one. In fact, give them your seat.
It’s okay to make funny faces at babies. It’s not okay to attempt to make obsessive eye contact with pretty girls.
If the train is in the station and you are exiting the turnstiles, the people swiping their Metrocards to come in have right of way. Absolute right of way. I know your are in a hurry to get out, but let them through so they can catch the train. It might cost you 10 seconds, but could cost the other guy 10 minutes.
Forge a New Lane
As you approach the station above ground, if you see people coming up through the steps it’s too late to catch the train they were on. Don’t rush down, you missed the train. In fact, if the stairs are crowded you could let them up before heading down, but that’s not a rule.
The rule is that there are always at least two lanes on each stairway. One heading up, and one heading down. There can also be four lanes in any combination of ups and downs. But there should always be at least one lane opposite of the heavy traffic. So if you are approaching a full stairway going the wrong way, it’s OK to forge a new lane in the opposite direction.
In New York— and everywhere where people drive on the right side of the road I imagine— stay to the right when walking in crowded spaces. It’s not an absolute rule, but it helps. In Britain, people walk to the left. This is weird.
Once you get to the bottom of a stairway, or just inside the turnstiles, don’t stop. Walk somewhere else. You’re just clogging things up stopping where you are.
If you’re smart (or obsessive) you’ll learn to “pre-walk.” Pre-walking is when you walk to a specific part of the platform because you know when you get off the train you’ll be nearest to your destination. Pre-walking can save precious seconds!
Let ‘em Off
Let people off the train before getting on. Or as the conductor puts it, “Let ‘em off! Let ‘em off!” There is not one lane moving on and one lane moving off the train. Let everyone off, and then get on.
And move in to the center of the car.
