7 Steps To Reset and Create the Life You Want in 2023
“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness,
we will discover the infinite power of our light.”
~ Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
Every New Year, many of us hope to hit restart and jump back onto our path of passion and joy, especially when things didn’t go the way we would have liked in the prior year. The past few years have been so trying and, for many, extremely disorienting that, not only is the direction on that path hard to find, but many no longer know where they want it to lead anymore. They feel stuck in a rut!
But it is still possible to find our way back when things look murky. And, sometimes, we might end up discovering that a different path is waiting for us. Here are seven tips to push through the fog and to find more clarity about what direction you are now being called to take, even after feeling as though you’ve lost your way.
1. Ask yourself, “What do I want to experience in 2023? What have I been putting off because of what I’ve felt I ‘should’ or ‘ought’ to be doing?” The small accomplishments that we wish for or new activities we’d like to try may be the very keys toward having a more meaningful life. But they often take a backseat to a long list of to-dos and responsibilities, never giving them the time, energy, and oxygen they need, to come alive. So here is my invitation: set aside some time to think about what you would really like to experience in your life this year. Before another year slips away, set intentions about what you want your life to look like and what steps you can take right now toward those goals.
Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, but you’ve shelved it because you’ve feared you might fail, or you’ve worried what others might think? Perhaps, you have already tried it, and you ran into obstacles, finding it too difficult to keep going, so you gave up. Obstacles always appear when we’re ready to make meaningful changes.
What is that “next right step,” as Oprah refers to it?
2. Explore. Try new things and pursue those threads tugging at your heart. Perhaps you don’t actually have a clear picture of your “dream,” but you know the types of things that light you up. For example, maybe you know that helping people or animals fulfills you. Check out what volunteer opportunities are available in your community. A whole range of activities can make big differences in other people’s and animals’ lives, which in turn, will create a greater feeling of meaning in your own life. Helping to feed the homeless, volunteering in nursing homes or in an animal shelter, or becoming more politically active in your community are just a few of those meaningful activities. And these sorts of activities can lead to experiencing greater purpose, joy, and increased physical health, and may even clarify the path you’ve been searching for. Read more about the benefits of generous activities in my blog, Compassion Can Be the Light on Our Path of Purpose and Passion.
Do you feel the desire to express yourself more creatively? Take a writing or painting class, or just begin to take the risk of putting your thoughts onto paper through words, drawings, or paintings.
What gifts do you have that can bring more light into the world, as well as within yourself? Using those gifts to brighten the world just might be your “dharma” and can turn out to be your true passion.
3. Be flexible — and don’t expect a smooth or straight path. If there’s one common lesson for all of us from the past three years, it’s this: we can’t predict what life will bring. Don’t count on having the weather always cooperate or the events in the world or in your own life to always be uplifting…or that there won’t be a global pandemic. It’s a given that you will occasionally be knocked off track. But, if we keep an open mind, sometimes the turns in the road will lead us to the exact opportunities we need or will provide us with the raw material to use for our creative expression. Flexibility about our own expectations is vital. When we have an idea about something we really want to do, we often have a picture of how it will look, how long it will take to traverse this path, and how it will feel. It is almost never exactly how we had imagined. But, if we’re stuck in the idea of having “it” be a certain way, fighting against the realities of life and of what is, we miss the opportunities that show themselves and the actual beauty that is right in front of us. Sometimes, these opportunities and moments of grace are more beautiful than the imagined goal. But, even if not quite as wonderful as the picture that our imagination had created, these graceful moments of reality can be pretty darn good if we allow them to be. The pain of the difficult moments can be opportunities, windows, into something much deeper and authentic than we could ever have imagined if we make a point to stay present. If we march along, stubbornly or bitterly, and not willing to bend with the twisting turns of what life throws us, we miss that light and will keep walking in the dark.
4. Know when to pause and relax. We need to take breaks, even when everything appears to be going well, but especially when they’re not. Make time to sit still and to be without judgment, no matter what’s happening around you. One powerful way of finding this stillness is through mindfulness meditation, by sitting still and focusing attention on your breathing or on a word, just noticing thoughts that pop into your mind and letting them drift by. Many research studies have found that even five minutes per day of meditation (although more is better) will have tremendous health benefits and is extremely beneficial in improving mood.
5. Spend time feeling grateful for what you already have. Having gratitude for what we have and looking for the silver linings in the less-than-ideal situations bring us feelings of optimism, peace, and enthusiasm to keep moving along our passionate path. Having gratitude for this adventure called life, with all of the ups and downs, ebbs and flows, darkness and light, allows the darkness to be a catalyst for making the light that much brighter. There might be some pain that’s stopping you from moving toward joy. Such pain needs to be acknowledged first. Write it down, sing it out, paint it or draw it, speak it to someone you trust, or just notice it and allow it to be. Then, when you have given it your full attention, turn your attention to whatever is in your life, small or big, that you feel grateful for and write it down. Start your own gratitude practice, by writing a list of what you feel grateful for every day. Sometimes, my list consists of one item, my delicious cup of coffee in the morning, while, at other times, my list is much longer and filled with much more profound matters, such as gratitude for my loved ones and for the gift of life itself.
6. Don’t run from your own pain or the pain of others. Running away from pain only gives it more power to grow so that it becomes much larger and scarier when it finally catches up with us (which it always does). This will then cause even more suffering. Unleashing our creativity, following our passions, and making the world a better place all require some level of discomfort. By putting ourselves out there, despite our discomfort, risking disappointment and acknowledging our own dark moments and the pain of the world, our dreams can blossom, we can experience joy within, and we can help construct a more peaceful world. “Without mud, you cannot have lotus flowers,” wrote the world-renowned speaker, teacher, and author, Thich Nhat Hanh.
Instead of running from pain, create a practice of self-compassion, beginning with treating yourself like you’re worthy, even if you don’t believe it, and working on forgiveness for yourself and others.
7. Get back to the basics. So that our trek along this righteous path of living with passion remains sustainable, we will need to go back to the basics of taking care of our bodies, our relationships, and our inner selves, as we tend to become unbalanced, in one way or another, over and over again while living our life. The three basic areas that need to be brought into balance in order to hit reset consist of:
a) Taking care of our body: We can do this by moving it, eating well, and sleeping, just to name a few of the necessary body basics
b) Reconnecting with others and creating healthy relationships: Our need for healthy relationships and support systems has never been clearer after having been through the extended periods of isolation caused by the pandemic and the divisiveness of current politics. Finding ways to reconnect to others, creating positive and supportive teams to help us in our journey, heal relationships that went off track over time, and developing new and healthier relationships are all crucial for helping us through the fog to a clearer path.
c) Reconnecting with our inner selves: Our relationship with our self is often the area where we get most off-balance in our quest to follow a path of passion. Practicing self-compassion, taming our inner troll, learning to relax our minds, and learning more about who we are and what’s important to us, are all necessary for creating the life we want. And it’s through this connection to ourselves that we allow ourselves to hear what our heart, a/k/a our inner compass, is whispering to us.
In the next few weeks, I’ll be posting blogs as part of a series of tips for getting back to these three basic areas so that we can reset to find our way to joy, passion, and vitality.
I’m looking forward to having you join me on this journey into 2023. Happy New Year!
You can read similar blogs by Dr. Mara and listen to her internet radio show. Now also on Apple Podcasts.
Check out Dr. Mara’s internationally best-selling book, The Passionate Life: Creating Vitality & Joy at Any Age, now available on Audible!
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