A comprehensive Mentoring Guide

Mentorship — Let’s Framework it!!!

“Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction.” — John Crosby

“My mentor said, ‘Let’s go do it,’ not ‘You go do it.’ How powerful when someone says, ‘Let’s!’” — Jim Rohn

Eric Greitens, a former Rhodes Scholar and Navy SEAL, in his best-selling book, “Resilience: Hard-Won Wisdom for Living a Better Life,” writes:

“If I sat down in your living room and placed a giant bag of jigsaw puzzle pieces on a table in front of you and asked you to put all the pieces together, what’s the first thing you’d ask for?

“I’m guessing you’d ask for a picture. You’d want to know how all of the pieces fit together. You’d want to know what you’re trying to make. Here’s the thing: Life only hands you pieces. You have to figure out how to put them together.

“Your life doesn’t come with a picture of what it’s supposed to look like on a box. You have to — you get to — choose that picture for yourself. And you choose it by looking for a model of a life well lived. That’s your picture.”

And if you haven’t guessed it yet, the model picture referenced here is that of a ‘Mentor’.

Drawing a couple of insights here:

• A ‘mentor’ can be the reference picture to complete the puzzle
• More importantly, a ‘mentor’ can be the person who can guide someone learn how to actually put the pieces of the puzzle together

“We’re here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark.” — Whoopi Goldberg

Well, I am basically a person who never gives importance to mere titles — However, I am always passionate and proud to hold this one — “Mentor”; and specifically his mentor.

Travelling down my memory lane, roughly about six months back, I received an invite from him for a 1–1 meeting with the subject reading “Feedback on professional behaviour”. I willingly accepted the invite. We had an insightful connect and little did I know about the exciting journey which was ahead of me.

Not to deny the fact that I was quietly impressed with his naive, simple,(brutally) honest, genuine and unpretentious nature. And then… he reached out to me to be his mentor. Yay!!! I’ve found my classy mentee after many years of my mentoring journey — Finding a mentee who matches your wavelength is indeed like finding a needle in the haystack — a priceless gift !!!

During one of our follow-up conversations, he asked me if there was a framework that I could offer him to model the “mentoring” relationship. I realized that it could help him “pay forward” — by transforming him to be the person who can guide someone learn how to actually put the pieces of the puzzle together.

What a proud and fulfilling moment for a mentor!!!

Let’s attempt to Framework — Mentorship !!!!

Mentorship — A comprehensive framework

Value Compatibility

“Your values create your internal compass that can navigate how you make decisions in your life. If you compromise your core values, you go nowhere.” ― Roy T. Bennett

“Mentor — Mentee” is such a beautiful long-term relationship in which both explore together if new possibilities exist or can be created together.

As in all relationships, “It takes two to tango”….a definite 100% from both end. Hence it requires the necessary camaraderie and chemistry to be established. This relationship cannot sustain and bear fruit until there is a basic compatibility fitment of personal core values and beliefs.

The mentoring relationship can be nurtured only when both of the mentor-mentee have a very deep bond of trust, be brutally honest with each other ( can we term it ‘Radical Candor’ instead), mutual respect, commitment of highest degree and of course enjoy their journey together.

Hence it is imperative to take sufficient time, to pause and reflect on the below prior to signing up for the mentoring relationship:

Am I genuinely interested in raising up my mentee or is it yet another way to add glamour to my resume or grab an opportunity to practice my under-developed mentoring capabilities?

Does the mentor/mentee have basic value compatibility?

Do I have the right experience, attitude and temperament to mentor?

Does the mentor/mentee sound comfortable with each other and committed to the mentoring relationship?

Ask / allow appropriate questions so as to ensure that the mentoring relationship is all set for an authentic purpose.

“Mentoring” is relationship-based as against “coaching” which is transaction / agreement based . Hence it goes without saying that value compatibility is of paramount importance.

Process

“If you can’t describe what you are doing as a process, you don’t know what you are doing”― W. Edwards Deming

• Set the Mentoring style: Choose Formal / Informal style as appropriate. Formal mentoring is more structured and has a specific objective. This type of mentoring relationship typically lasts for a definite period of time and ends formally once the objective is met. It is more strategic in nature. However, the mentoring relationship can transform into an informal one in due course. Informal mentoring, on the other hand, is more loosely structured and is more relationship based.It is certainly long lasting as it takes a broader view of a person — more people-centric — rather than issue or problem-centric.
• Identify the Mentoring Model: There are numerous models that a mentor can choose to structure the mentoring sessions. GROW, TGROW, OSKAR,CLEAR are a few common ones and the list goes on…We can as well mix and match attributes of different models that would suit the goals and needs of mentees. Personally, I do not follow any rigid structured model as it makes the conversations more constrained. I prefer to place more emphasis on the mentee rather than the model itself.
• Stage is all yours — Start Action : Connect as often as you could. Choose to ask insightful questions. In a Harvard Business Review article titled Managing Oneself, Peter Drucker stated, “The first secret of effectiveness is to understand the people you work with so that you can make use of their strengths.” Make the mentee self-aware of his/her capabilities and gaps. Use tools like SWOT. Bring out their disruptive strengths. Understand their personal background and life priorities. Actively listen. Use silence as a tool as appropriate. Progress from being a contact to an acquaintance to a confidant. Share your life experiences. Show genuine interest. Honour commitment. Be present. Always.
• Reflect and retrospect: Encourage difficult conversations. Dig deep inside and highlight pitfalls. Hold them accountable when they stray away from core values or identified goals. Appreciate often. Celebrate small wins. Ask for feedback. Accept compliments and gratitude with grace.
• Circle back: Refine processes. Strengthen your relationship. Make small improvements — Kaizen. Sip your coffee and enjoy your journey.

Outcomes

“One of the greatest values of mentors is the ability to see ahead what others cannot see and to help them navigate a course to their destination.” — John C. Maxwell

• Transformation — Mentee: Hurrah!!! Your mentee — whom you found initially as a diamond in the rough will now be turning into a valuable jewel in no time. Effective mentoring advances personal growth by changing their behavioural aspects, improve the health of interpersonal relationships, a person of better values and attitude. As a by-product, there is a definite professional growth as well — better vision, improved work ethics, goal-oriented and ultimately successful in their career at large.
• Transformation — Mentor: Seriously? Yes, of course!!! And that is the most enriching benefit of this ever beautiful relationship. It helps to rediscover ourselves, provides a learning platform, makes us understand that we have a greater purpose in life, adds colour to our monochrome lives. I can for sure raise up my hands confidently for I have tasted the divine fruits of mentorship and have thoroughly enjoyed every bit of my journey thus far.

Sometimes all we need is a holding hand…You have mine..I, your’s…..

“In order to be a mentor, and an effective one, one must care. You must care. You don’t have to know how many square miles are in Idaho, you don’t need to know what is the chemical makeup of chemistry, or of blood or water. Know what you know and care about the person, care about what you know and care about the person you’re sharing with.” — Maya Angelou

Mentorship is never a relationship used just as a cliché ….it is indeed meant to be a life changing experience…

Thank you for reading this far. Let me know if this framework works in your mentoring journey or otherwise.