Alcohol Changed My Life for the Better

Are you the emotional drinker? Do you become a different person every time you drink?

Photo by Stanislav Ivanitskiy on Unsplash

Life sucks, work sucks, and relationships have become shit. Everything good has faded, and you find yourself in a bar more and more often, sometimes by yourself. Plus, there is nothing like that first sip of alcohol and warm numbing sensation that follows.

Going from faithful Mormon to near alcoholic was something I never imagined, but life shoves us in a crucible and excretes our limp, lifeless bodies. We grow and see life for ourselves; there is nothing wrong with changing but everything wrong with blind obedience.

After leaving the military and forcing myself to cope with past traumas and deep episodes of guilt, I thought I was doing good and living a happy life.

I stopped drinking as much and started focusing on hobbies, my fiancé at the time (now my wife), work, and school.

I thought I was ok and then I got drunk with my siblings one holiday weekend.

There is nothing more life-changing and scary than going through an emotional breakdown. It’s even more demoralizing when people don’t understand or simply ignore you.

People shouldn’t drink if they know they have problems, and why should people with issues ruin everyone’s good time? I felt horrible for having ruined everyone’s night.

I was never the type to breakdown in public…I did that shit in the shower like every respectable person.

But life happens…and I was more surprised than the people who saw me fall apart.

I drank too much, but I was happy to be home with family. Then I cried, became violent, yelled, cried some more, and the next day I wanted to hide under a rock.

I’m lucky my siblings care about me and didn’t let that change their perception of me. They saved me from doing anything more maniacal.

I never expected to have such strong feelings tear out of me, and I know now that hiding them will never help resolve them. Alcohol opens up traumas but you’ve got to be in the right place to deal with them.

Even now, I am too scared to get drunk because I haven’t resolved these issues and talking about them is…just difficult.

There are sorrows that will never go away. If they do, I’ll let you know.

Alcohol Let Me Open Up

The experience was tough and scary for my brother and sister who never thought I would be dealing with internal issues.

Without the handy helping of hooch I would have never realized just how hard the traumas had been, and how I had been failing myself by not talking about it.

By looking at our drinking habits and our reaction to alcohol, we can see more about ourselves that we would tend to hide. I wouldn’t use alcohol as a therapy method, but this experience made me aware of things I need to resolve.

Emotional Drinking and the Emotional Drinker

“Emotional drinkers consume alcohol to run away from the emotions of sadness, grief, loneliness, fear and low self-worth. In fact, low self-esteem is the major player in an emotional drinker’s life”.

People do not like emotional drinkers because they can be violent, depressed, and unpredictable. They become problematic and might even become alcoholics.

I had a friend who would run away every time we went out, and the group would have to go hunting. Sounds fun until you’ve actually lost them all night.

Emotional drinkers vary and some people are just happier, which is exactly why people drink. No one drinks to feel worse, and people just accept the hangover.

I used to drink and never had a “bad moment”, but I was becoming more and more reliant on alcohol because I felt amazing after a few drinks. The problems disappeared but nothing ever got better.

People loved the drunk me because I was the relaxed and more open version of myself.

Low self-esteem is more normal for people to deal with, especially when more people interact online. I was weird. I was Mormon in the military.

After I left the church, I was more alone and uncomfortable with my new sense of freedom. I wanted to drink and catch up on the years I had spent hiding behind the religion’s strict rules.

I used to think drinking brought the best out in me, but it was just me not stopping myself.

Think of all the stuff inside your head — the plans, the memories, the fears, the passions, even that idea for a kitchen gizmo you’re sure will make you rich — as the parts of your engine. And think of a drink as oil. A drop or two helps your engine thrum. But too much oil and you don’t have the traction that work requires. Your gears aren’t grinding, but they’re also not engaged.

Your crazy drinking thoughts are just passions and fears, but strong outbursts could be a cry for help from yourself. Continuing to ignore your own desires will come out when you’re too drunk or high to have self-control.

The best bet is to know your limits and to actually seek help when you need it. Talking about things sober is a lot easier on the listener, and people will also understand that you really have some issues going on.

Everyone I have met has issues, but being violent or putting others in dangers when drinking isn’t acceptable. Putting your own career, relationships, and life on the line isn’t worth those couple hours of intoxication.