Am I being Gaslighted at Work?

Have you ever been gaslighted in your life? Do you have an idea of what gaslighting entails?

Woman holding disposable light

Gaslighting is a common phenomena in modern day relationships.It is a household name hidden in plain sight that is binge experienced by many individuals globally.

For those who are familiar with the creation story,gaslighting is synonymous to the serpent who destroys the lives of Adam and Eve in Eden. Romantic relationships,interpersonal associations and politics have borrowed a leaf from the serpent when it comes to gaslighting.

According to Stephanie A Sarkis , gaslighting is a mental manipulation tactic aimed at making another individual question their reality. It is a psychological art of manipulating an individual or group of people into doubting their memory,sanity,beliefs and actions.

Sociopaths,psychopaths,cult leaders, dictators, and controlling individuals outsource gaslighting technique from the devil’s manual in their pursuit to exert dominance and control.

It is their favorite gardening tool which enables them dig into their victim’s minds and plant seeds of doubt,false ideas and confusion.

There are a gazillion examples of gaslighting situations experienced by different groups of people in different settings.

Examples of Gaslighting Actions

• Playing the victim card. Perpetrator uses their struggles and challenges to win sympathy from the victim.
• Repetitive lying and exaggeration.
• Consistent denial of facts.
• Acting differently from what they say.
• Creating chaos and confusion. The gaslighter thrives in creating unnecessary confrontations.
• Exhibiting false hope and love.A Partner in a romantic relationship can camouflage their gaslighting behavior by boosting your self-esteem only to tear it down later.

Work environments are not safe havens when it comes to certain individuals displaying gaslighting behavior. It may take different forms such as;

• Senior supervisor accusing you of not completing non-existing tasks.
• Co-worker invalidates your work effort towards achieving a successful marketing campaign.
• Manager accuses you of overreacting when you feel unappreciated in your department.
• Being left out in important decision making meetings, only to be later accused of absconding your duties by your manager.

The above mentioned issues may result into an employee questioning their reality.They may start to experience a sense of defeat,restlessness and low-self esteem.

The vice is subtle in nature thus calls for a discernible eye in order to catch a glimpse of the behavior. Identifying key signs associated with gaslighting marks the first step towards handling gaslighters.

Signs of Gaslighting

• Questioning your memory and abilities. This involves doubting what you know and remembering the activities you executed.
• You find it hard to make decisions.Questioning your reality and sanity makes you distrust every decision you intent on making.
• Selling yourself short becomes your slogan. Undervaluing your skills and worth makes it easier for you to cope with the never ending feeling of failure.
• Constant worry of being too sensitive. Your conscious has been injected with gallons of doubt and overreacting syringes.
• Frequent apologies. The rate at which you apologize is at par with the tick of the minute hand of the gaslighter’s hand clock.
• You feel alone and powerless. You live under the illusion that everyone thinks you are weird or crazy.

It is important to understand that no one is immune to gaslighting. I bet even Superman’s kryptonite contains substantial traces of gaslighting elements.

There are several ways of dealing with a gaslighter.

Ways of Dealing with Gaslighting at Work

1. Journalize your fears,frustrations and highlight of main conversations you have had with an individual you suspect is gaslighting you. Writing down key activities you have done during the day helps you keep track of your reality thus reduces the possibility of doubting oneself when confronted by a gaslighter.
2. Identify who is gaslighting you and how they are doing it. Educate yourself on gaslighting. Compare the signs highlighted in the books and articles you read about gaslighting with the traits exhibited by the gaslighter.
3. Trust your intuition.Consistently remain defiant and trust your instincts whenever you feel the version of narrative being presented to you doesn’t add up.
4. Seek counsel from someone you trust. Share your concerns and fears with an individual you trust. Insights from a positive support system help you connect with your inner self thus increasing self-awareness.
5. Consciously affirm yourself. Positive self-talk is therapeutic. It helps you dismantle any subtle and intentional doubts you may have towards yourself.
6. Do not confront the perpetrators of gaslighting directly. Gaslighters will never be accountable for their actions. Never expect to reason with them rationally.
7. Report the matter to the Human Resource Manager if you are experiencing gaslighting at your workplace.
8. Leave that toxic environment or person if all your efforts in reporting such incidents prove futile. Your mental health cannot be gambled with no matter the type of work you have or the type of relationship you have with the gaslighter.

Gaslighting is becoming a threat to our modern world.Reality is being corrupted in politics,religion,social interactions and economic affairs. Prominent individuals in our society have perfected the art on how to get away with gaslighting.

It is every individuals’s fundamental right to familiarize themselves with gaslighting. This is because some of our friends,relatives and bosses may be silently practicing this vice.

Various books have been written about gaslighting. The pool of knowledge available on the topic is enough to drown yourself in if you are bound by the shackles of gaslighting at your workplace and interpersonal relationships.

Books on Gaslighting

1. Gaslighting: How to recognise manipulative and emotionally abusive people — and break free. It is written by Stephanie Sarkis.
2. The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook: Healing From Emotional Abuse. It is written by Army Marlow-Macoy LPC.
3. Gaslighting: Pratical Guide to Discriminate Emotionally Abusive People, Avoid Hidden Manipulation and Cultivate Healthy Relationship. It is written by John P Davis.

The aforementioned books are available on Amazon.