Anger Is your Biggest Enemy, Control It
How taming your temper can help you live a better and healthy life
Abraham Lincoln became popular with writing “hot letters” whenever he was angry with someone or something. He wrote all the things that annoyed him on a blank piece of paper and then destroy it.
He did not have a high level of emotional self-control and he had to work at it. This helped him during America’s troublesome period. According to Doris Kearns Goodwin, during Lincoln’s time in charge, “the house was not only divided, it was on fire”.
Anger is a deadly infection that destroys. Research proves that writing about it heals people fast.
Anger is poison. It does not solve the problem, instead, it complicates issues the more. A word said in anger can hurt for life. Don’t let anger make you mean.
Anger issues have remained around us for long. The scriptures and ancient philosophies remind us daily how to control it.
The Holy Bible admonishes that, “Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools,”. The Holy Quran cautions, “but the powerful person is he who has control on his anger,”.
Buddhism refers to anger as the greatest evil. It believes that, “a slight moment of anger can, in an instant, burn down an entire forest of merits and good karma”. The person who becomes blind with rage and does something irrational will regret for life.
There is no effort required to get angry. David Holmes posits that, “rage culture involves no intellectual ability or thought. It does not require one to be civil or to engage in a meaningful dialogue that would solve our problems,”.
The above comment suggests that getting angry is a choice of the individual.
Taming the Beast
Life is full of frustrations and the workplace or people you interact with can act as triggers to get you angry. People judge you according to their standards, not yours.
No matter what you are going through, there is no justification for getting angry. What makes the difference is what we do to control anger. Patience is important. It helps control your emotions and not let your anger get the better of you.
The great Stoic teacher, Marcus Aurelius, says it is not manly to get angry. He opines that, “it is not natural either. It is better to remain calm”. This is a powerful statement about being tolerant of others and letting go.
As humans, we may have had instances of anger bursts in the past. I intend to share three life-changing situations which helped me to tame my emotions.
· Younger years — I got into a fight after a football match that we won. I head-butted someone from the opposing team and he went down flat out. An observer saw everything and called my attention to it.
He said something that shook me. He asked, “you must be happy that you floored the other boy, do you realize that he could have died? If he died, you will go to jail and your young life wasted,”.
That was a powerful lesson, and since then I learnt to walk away. I tell this same story to my children, hoping they will learn from it.
· Learning from others — I worked with a General for five years during my military service and I never saw him get angry. He smiled a lot, and it was difficult to place his emotions. He spoke calmly and effectively and got things done.
He became my reference point for self-control. I learnt that you do not have to bang tables or shout at the top of your voice to make people do things. He had high standards but tolerated people and their limitations.
· Leadership experience — Since childhood, I was opportune to be a class representative. It was always a challenge dealing with peers who see you as an equal. Self-restraint helped me to deal with my peers with fewer problems.
The position calmed me. I took time to explain things to my peers. Leadership tames temper.
· Nelson Mandela’s release from prison — Mandela came out of prison as a man of peace. He refused to show any bitterness towards his adversaries. This lesson was life-changing for me.
How well you restrain yourself is important. Do not harbor bitterness in you. It turns to anger and consumes you. Anger is difficult to control, but we can achieve it.
Prevention is better than cure
People will get you angry, but you cannot continue to judge them by your standards. Learn to control your emotions so you can live a happy life.
I recently took part in a 10-day course titled, “Taming Your Temper”. It is a 10-day Stoic guide to controlling anger. I am sharing with you some exercises conducted. They may benefit you or anyone you know:
· Intro Day — Consider things or people that make you angry. How do you react to them? Who feels the negative effect of this anger?
· Day 1 — Write a list of things that make you are angry and burn it. In same manner, write things that make you happy or calm. Compare both patterns.
· Day 2 — How do you look like when angry? Write your facial expressions and mannerisms. Find a scene where someone is happy, do the same, and compare the lists.
· Day 3 — Seek refuge in a quiet place; a place you are happy and spend time there. Similarly, look for another place with more activity and note the difference.
· Day 4 — Find a mantra to repeat when you are angry. Write it 25 times. Make it simple to recall so your mind can focus on it.
· Day 5 — Watch people for 20 or 30 minutes and see how they handle their emotions. Pick someone you know who shows calm in the face of anger. Write your observations and put them to practice.
· Day 6 — Find something creative that you have been thinking. Paint on a canvas. Write a poem, story, or anything interesting that captures your attention.
· Day 7 — What are you trying to achieve when you allow anger to control you? Write them down and see if you achieved them. Was the anger justified?
· Day 8 — Consider 10 things that make you angry and put comic spins to them. If the issues are trending, listen to what the comedians are complaining about.
· Day 9 — Exercise acts as a physical outlet for anger. Take up that activity that you have always wanted to do.
· Day 10 — Cultivate gratitude as a habit and practice it. People appreciate little things like phone calls, text messages, and gifts.
Experience shows that the person who gets angry hurts the more. Holding on to anger, according to Buddha, “is like grasping a hot coal intending to throw it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned”.
Prevention is better than cure.
The Takeaways
The world does not need angry people. You must take steps to tame the temper in you. The benefits to health, relationships and careers are many.
Remember, where there is anger, pain goes with it. It is fine to be angry, but follow the rules:
· Don’t hurt others with your anger
· Don’t hurt yourself
· Don’t destroy property
Eleanor Roosevelt reminds us that, “anger is one letter short of danger”.
Avoid it.
