Emotional Wellbeing: Practical Tips
We feel emotions all the time, in fact there are more emotions than can be described by words. Emotions such as Anger, Happiness, Sadness, Fear, Surprise, Jealousy, Disgust, Hatred or Love are broad descriptors of a spectrum of many more emotions. If there were no emotions how bland would life be and how would we make sense of ourselves, others and the world around us?
It is surprising how little we focus on our own emotions, often suppressing them or not paying them the due attention that they deserve. Why am I upset today? Why am I happy? Why do I feel fed up? Why am I feeling anxious? Furthermore, a lot of the decisions we make in life are based on impulses, influenced by our emotions. Emotions can motivate us in life, however equally they can be extremely destructive.
Good emotional health and emotional skills are important for good mental health and success in life. Learning emotional skills should start from childhood and children should be encouraged to identify and talk about their emotions in a safe environment on a regular basis. Children when distressed should be assisted by care givers to develop their emotional skills to constructively break down their emotions and reappraise them.The same need to constructively break down emotions and reappraise emotions remains very important as an adult.
Why am I angry today? I got a parking fine! I will pay the fine and/or appeal, I will be more careful next time. I won’t let this ruin my day. I won’t let this get in the way of my plans for this evening. Exhale and Relax.
Not talking or acknowledging our emotions is not a sign of strength or resilience. Suppressing our emotions often leads to poor emotional health and poor emotional regulation characterised by erratic, impulsive and unpredictable behaviour and poor decisions. Some people may use alcohol or drugs to further suppress their emotions, leading to a negative spiral of negative emotions, poor mental health and bad decisions. The lives of people with poor emotional health and emotional skills often feels like a violent emotional rollercoaster of extreme lows and highs that can fluctuate multiple times on a day to day basis. This is not clinical depression where a mood state is pervasively (constantly) low, however can be equally debilitating and common.
Those with a history of significant psychological trauma and/or inconsistent care may understandably particularly struggle to regulate their emotions. It is never too late to start building your own emotional skills. A good first step is to adopt a healthy lifestyle and daily structure. Build on your assertiveness and be able to say ‘no’ to activities that you have identified as bad for your emotional health and don’t feel you have to ‘people please’. It is important not to blame yourself for having poor emotional health, we can all have poor emotional regulation at different times. Make a habit to check in with your emotions on a daily basis, acknowledge your emotions, ask yourself why you are feeling them, talk to trusted others about them and breakdown your emotions and where needed constructively reappraise them. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself and remember that the emotions you feel do not define you as a person.
Finally, being emotional is not negative, reading about emotional intelligence and building and reflecting on your own emotional skills can lead to a more successful life. A person’s Emotional Quotient (EQ) is often cited as an even more important measure than their Intelligence Quotient (IQ) when it comes to a successful and happy life. I am a Formula One Motorsport fan and I am inspired by how Sir Lewis Hamilton uses his emotions in the midst of competition and adversity as a source of constant motivation.
Who do you know who has good emotional skills and emotional intelligence? How do they inspire you? Who do you know who has bad emotional skills and emotional intelligence? How can you develop and reflect on your own emotional skills and emotional intelligence?
