“Hello, How are you?” — “Good, and you?”
I mean “Conversations” and not transactions!!!
“Conversation should touch everything, but should concentrate itself on nothing” — Oscar Wilde
Take a deep breath for a moment.
Can you recollect about someone you know:
- Who seem to bring out the best in you whenever you talk to them?
- You always feel comfortable talking to him / her and could go on talking forever…
- You always want to share your joys, tears, accomplishments, downfalls, anger, frustration be it any hour of the day…
- You are excited and run to pickup the call the moment their name flashes on your mobile…
- You can witness and feel that they are totally engrossed in what you are telling them…
- You can disclose things that you wouldn’t normally with others…
No…am not talking about your long time crush or your boy/girl friend…
This person could be your good old friend, colleague, teacher, mentor or someone you just met, but what was it that brought that person instantly to your thought?
It is how comfortable they have made you feel in their company and how your “conversations” just seemed to have flown smoothly and naturally — with absolutely no barriers, no fears, no inhibitions.
“Being interested is more important in cultivating a relationship and maintaining a relationship than being interesting; that’s what gets the dialogue going. It’s the secret juice of relationships.” — Todd Kashdan
Being immersed in the world of social media, people believe that conversations are just formatted questions and answers that we exchange with each other — be it personal or professional.
Be it 1:1 with leaders and team members, colleagues, between spouses, friends, family members — genuine conversations have become a rarity.
What then is a ‘Conversation’ ?
“In the best conversations, you don’t even remember what you talked about, only how it felt. It felt like we were in some place your body can’t visit, some place with no ceiling and no walls and no floor and no instruments”― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
It’s all about the conversation. Content is just something to talk about.
Conversation is :
- NOT about being eloquent or witty BUT about being present and how the flow happens at its own pace.
- NOT about proving our point / wisdom / intelligence BUT rejoicing every moment of the journey along with the other person.
- NOT to impress the other person with our knowledge, skills or good looks BUT letting them know that they are being heard.
- NOT bragging about yourself and your glories BUT showing genuine interest in the other person, their world, their story and what they might be interested in.
Authentic conversation requires letting our guard down, being weird , child-like, vulnerable and providing space to each other. It is not to be guided through, directed or controlled in any way.
“Conversation should flow, like waters after summer showers, not as if raised by mere mechanic powers” — William Cowper
Conversations are always meant to be a two-way lane. It is always about dialogues.
It is about treating the other person with due respect, being kind and gentle, creating a psychological safety net and making them feel valued.
It is listening to their hopes, dreams, passion, goals, struggles and desires.
“She just smiled, said that she loved books more than anything, and started telling him excitedly what each of the ones in her lap was about. And Ove realised that he wanted to hear her talking about the things she loved for the rest of his life”― Fredrik Backman
Let me confess that I love being with people and enjoy every tiny tweeny conversation. Just give a try and you will for sure be the most loved person in the room. It is all about winning hearts — an investment for relationships to bloom, strengthen and thrive.
Get immersed in the “Joy of conversation”. You would ask for more — ‘coz it is addictive, for sure!!!
