Low Paying Professions, Ranked
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. And you muck out stables.
I’m neither red nor blue, smart or dumb, a snowflake nor an icicle. I am a born free spirit who enjoys tossing aside viable financial opportunities.
Carpe diem! Buy high, sell low!
Now that I’m leaving a three-day stay with my practical friend, I’ve gotta admit I have a few regrets. This is mainly because the view from his house is killer. A few years ago I started paying attention to my bank account and my teeth —maybe too late.
I was born to be wild, ride into the sunset on my motorcycle, and strum a guitar several hours a day.
Unfortunately, I feel Easy Rider is overrated and have the musical talent of a cowbell, so I drive a pimped-out Corolla and write limericks.
If you are destined to live the #freespirit lifestyle, you’ll have many job opportunities.
1 / Vacuum Cleaner Sales
One month, I made $1,000, before deducting gas money and whatever I spent on cocktails so I could live with myself. If you love dirt and poverty — your own and your customers’ — sign up with Kirby today!
2 / Writing Limericks
One limerick takes about an hour. The pay on Medium is 16 cents a month, each. On the plus side, it’s safer than hawking overpriced vacuums.
3 / Professional Freelance Writer
The money is terrific until your primary employer forgets to pay you for four months. When the funds come in, you spend a third of it on a new winter coat and a pair of shoes that don’t need to be glued together.
4 / Petsitting
Awwww, puppies and kittens! Rover pays $5 an hour because, guess what, you will stay overnight and those hours count, too.
House #1: I morphed into a feather duster as a form of self-defense from the dirt. The owner had two huge pitbull mixes that spent 12-hours a day in cages too small for them and were impossible to walk. The back yard was a minefield of turds.
House #2: The two wealthy naturopaths expected me to supervise a team of workmen who were remodeling their kitchen. At least these a**holes had a bidet.
There was no house #3.
5 / Carnival Worker
I missed my window of opportunity because I’m now too old for life on the road and grease under my fingernails. I’m guessing it pays a lot better than writing, sales, or caring for pets.
6 / Stand Up Comedy slash High School Teacher
You’re gonna deal with hecklers. Some people say you shouldn’t resort to beating them about the head and shoulders with sarcasm. It’s not okay to tell 9th graders they’ll grow up to be bums if they don’t shut the heck up, which is why I briefly considered hitting the road and playing the comedy clubs.
Then, I found the ultimate free-spirit job on a farm.
7 / Horse Wrangler slash Cowboy
Horses are like pets but much less cooperative. In this exciting and glamorous hellscape, you’ll shovel poop and attempt to retrieve Speedy from the pasture with only a harness and youthful optimism. You’ll try to feed Diablo as he head butts you. It will feel like your days as a high school teacher.
8 / Medium Editor
I think these gals and guys might be breaking even. God bless ’em. Knowing how little they earn, it’s only a matter of time before I start my own pub.
Our Red overlords and elected officials sincerely believe we wouldn’t work if they didn’t force us to, but work isn’t the problem. It’s the fact that fraudster ex-casino owners who should be in jail — not naming any names — are raking in big bucks every minute. Meanwhile, the free spirits are corralling horses and taking poodles out for strolls twice a day.
Yeah, I know life’s not fair but imagine a world in which poets and painters could make a reasonable living at their craft.
Jean Campbell is a 4x top Medium writer in poetry, humor, crime, and psychology. If you liked this post, subscribe for an article or three each week.
