Money Matters — Our Relationship with Money
In the last article we tried to determine the concept of ENOUGH. Today I want to talk about something more fundamental — our relationship with money and how it shapes us as individuals.
Before moving ahead, just take a minute here to see how you feel when you think about money. Do you feel insecure;or confident? Do you feel anxious; or indifferent? Do you feel empowered; or helpless? The way you feel is what determines your relationship with money and being conscious about it can be the first step to a change.
From all that I have read, I have understood that our feelings about money are programmed into our systems broadly from the age of three. Growing up, we sub-consciously absorb how our family and people we are in immediate touch with conceive money. My personal relationship with money for example, is an insecure one. I can get really insecure at the thought of being ripped off or being taken for granted. I get really insecure if my clients do not pay me on time. I get really insecure if I have to pay a big fat cheque for something. I’m very apprehensive when I ask someone for a quote wondering what the figure might be. That is not to say I’m a miser though. I spend my money on things that seem to add value to my life according to me.
On one end of the spectrum are folks who are so insecure and such penny pinchers that the thought of having to spend money makes them nervous and jittery. On the other end of the spectrum are people who spend so much money that they find themselves with no money and often in debt. The challenge is to be to able to find your place in the spectrum and gauge what value it is adding to your life.
I grew up in a joint family in Darjeeling. There were ten of us who lived under the same roof and had to manage with common resources. While it was no vanity affair, the basics were pretty much taken care of. My dad’s elder brother was a very frugal man. He accounted for every penny spent and would get worked up very easily if money was being wasted on anything more than necessary. My father on the other hand, was considered the spendthrift of the household. He was the one who would buy cricket bats for all of us as children, who would get chocolates for his nieces and nephews. He had a more wider view of life. To cut a long story short, surplus money was hard to come by. Our mothers saved from the little monthly quota that was allotted to them in case the children asked for a packet of cream biscuits!
So I kind of understand where my insecurity with money is creeping from. Now that I am NOT in that situation and can buy as many cream biscuits as I want, I am aware of my relationship with money. I try to give gratitude for what I have and try to feel more secure about spending it. I am more mindful of spending it on the right things and feeling good about doing it.
This other uncle of mine, on the other hand, has a very different relationship with money. He understands the cost of learning or the opportunity cost and is fine with it. He is able to see the bigger picture and is ok to let go of some money in order to be able to overcome the resistance and gain the learning that makes one capable of earning much more than lost. He values learning through experimentation with money and is realistic about how big a risk he can take. He treats his money with utmost respect and makes sure every spare penny is allotted to a deserving portfolio that multiplies itself.
Your money habits might resemble my father’s or his elder brother’s or even my other uncle’s and there is nothing right or wrong about any one. The point that I’m trying to make is we all treat money differently and no matter how much or how little of it we may have, our attitude/relationship with it remains the same until we consciously examine it to check whether it is working for us or not.
WHY BE CONSCIOUS AND CHANGE IT?
Like I said these attitudes and relationships we have, are hardwired into us from a very young age. But with time everything changes, so do our circumstances. Like everything else in life that is changing then, our attitude also needs to keep pace with our current reality. Saving when there was not enough was good, but to loathe spending when you can afford it, is not the best financial decision.
The more pressing reason for change though, is that having a bad relationship with money is like having any other bad relationship. It never helps. Sooner or later you end up parting ways. While in human relationships, parting ways might be a win-win for two people, parting ways with money can hardly be described as profitable. It worries me, and hence I wish all of us are more mindful of our relationship with it.
IDEAL RELATIONSHIP AND WAYS TO ACHIEVE IT
This section is particularly for my dear critics who would have said that I have to suggest a solution, if I introduce a problem. The ideal relationship with money of course is that of a secure one. One that brings peace in our life and instills a sense of confidence, accomplishment and purpose. One way to achieve it is by reading my earlier two articles on this topic(sic). On a more serious note being able to objectify it and defining our sense of enough help.
Feeling grateful for the money that I have really makes me feel secure. While there is no end to the hunger for money, being mindful that your present condition is someone else’s dream really helps. One more way to have a really healthy relationship with money is by adding meaning to it, by giving it. Contributing a part of our income to enrich other peoples’ lives empowers it and in turn us. It drills a sense of purpose to our money and helps us earn more guiltfree. It need not be a big chunk of our earnings, just a small percentage is good enough to begin with. But as we begin to give, we develop a healthy relationship with money for we don’t want it for it’s mere value but for what it is capable of doing and that is — changing the world for the better!
