Gluten-ey
Pancakes Are Hard Drugs
You aren’t young enough to be eating those
I was cruising along Mainstreet, you know the corner — right at the north end of town before it turns hard left to funnel you onto the tourist strip or skooches right to … well, no one really knows where.
Anyhow, I was keeping a close eye on traffic as these out-of-towners drive like teens on crack when I had an epiphany.
It’s not just teenagers who are on crack. Or meth or booze or oxy. It’s 98% of Americans.
Let me explain.
Pancakes are a delicious wheat-based product that took the world by storm sometime around the fall of the Roman Empire. That is a scientifically proven historical fact.
Like most comestibles, they are also a potent drug. One that will mess you up and generally cause you to end up exactly like your parents. That’s right: you’ll wear khakis or capris and sport out-of-fashion jeans and spend your weekends doing yard work. You’ll scold kids to “quiet down.” This list goes on — the hazards are real if you keep eating this way.
Wheat is heroin and pancakes are its purest form
It’s a free country and you can eat what you want, but before you put another bite of French…
