Phone Sex Experiment
I never thought in a million years I was going to be so interested in the phone sex concept. I did what my professor said we should do, let the topic choose me and not the other way around. So I did and found myself where I am now, my head and desk full of questions and answers that I didn’t quite believe would exist. I went from being interested in the concept and what it conveyed, to being actually experimenting with it and learning about the taboo of its world. It started just being a mere curiosity, an itch, and it grew to what it is now, an overpowering control over the concept. An agreement for what phone sex can do in a relationship and personal ego.
This paper presented itself to me in the best possible moment. This is because I wondered if not saying putting it to practice about the topic chosen several weeks before it was given to me. I have a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend of eight years. The relationship did not start as it is, for we met in person and were together physical and emotionally for seven years. But due to economic circumstances that I will not discuss we decided as a couple to “split”. He was to go and live in the states while I finish up my MA. That way he can make the process of finding our place to live, a job, and things of the sort. So now we have a long-distance relationship that is still as strong as before, if not to say more. Due to the distance barrier, I started to wonder about the phone sex ordeal and what would be like to unfold myself into it. And like asked for heaven the topic and paper were laid into my lap and the hunt began.
The many questions came to me on a Monday while I was awaiting the arrival of my professor for that day’s class. I didn’t expect it to happen so suddenly there and then, but when something cashes my mind's eyes I can’t seem to put it down. I wrote question after question of what I really wanted to know about the phone sex concept. Questions such as: how is it done?; what is the right way to do it?; who is the most likely audience?; does it build up or destroy a relationship?; what are the correct words to use?; can I get paid to do this?; is this a legitimate work?; among others. Never thought I would have so many questions that demanded answers from this particular topic. I wasn’t even sure I was allowed to make this paper. Doubts made their way to the surface and I found myself questioning the morality of the topic and myself. I needed to find reassurance of it some way, so I did the most basic of things, I asked my boyfriend.
He seemed at first taken aback by my interest and choosing of the topic. He even suggested an alternative one if this one wasn’t allowed, but after I explained that we as adults should be open-minded to a list of certain topics, and of course for the personal advantage this would bring to him, he conceded. He started giving me suggestions of what I may want to write about it and explained how I should approach my professor with it. (I might add that this didn’t go quite as planned.) After having his approval I still felt like I should talk about it with other people. At that time my cousin was in the house, so I rushed downstairs and explained to her my idea and topic. She was really into it, even more so after hearing that people got paid to work on it. She told me some of her suggestions that mostly involved psychological analysis that I really wasn’t interested in, but I thank her anyway. After talking to her I went on Messenger and asked two of my classmates from my Tuesday class what they thought and they also gave me their approval because they had taken this class before and said that the professor is really “chill”, I should say, about topics. So it was settled, my topic for the I-Search paper would be phone sex, I just had to have the nerve to say it out loud, in the classroom, to the professor.
The day of the class arrived and I dreaded every second of the ticking clock. I didn’t have the courage to say my topic out loud in the classroom, so I waited for most of the class to leave to finally say it to the professor. But as I said, it didn’t go as planned. I whispered the topic to the classmate that was sitting beside me and expressed to him my nervousness about actually telling my professor about it. It was a mistake! The next thing I know he shouts it in the classroom and I slap the living life of his arm. Now I had to go on with the topic anyways, which I wanted to no matter what. I voiced and explained to the professor what I wanted to do and she approved and asked why I felt like I did. I explained that I studied in a Catholic environment both in high school and university and that was my reason for apprehension. She understood and encouraged me on the topic, as so did my classmates. They actually loved that I had chosen this risky topic. Consequently, I was elated in their approval of it.
I search various databases and found explanations, graphical and otherwise, of the phone sex concept. Before doing any academic search I went to the most used resource tool: Google. I found the answers I was looking for. One of the pages that caught my attention was the one called How to Have Phone Sex. It is an actual page where they describe step by step how to have a good experience during a phone sex call. This of course is more for the benefit of a solid relationship for the steps are directed towards this. The steps go as follow:
Set up a phone date
Let loose and get in the mood
Begin the call
Introduce a casual topic that will segue nicely into sexy talk
Escalate into sexy talk
Masturbate and orgasm
Finish
Each of the steps is very simple and easy to follow and a person, at least me, get involved and seduced by them pretty quickly. The key to having a successful call is not to feel foolish or shy about it. It is to have fun and enjoy ourselves in the process, which is never a bad idea. There is nothing wrong with having sex on the phone, even more, when your partner is millions of miles away, like in my case.
After reading this page and another I felt almost like an expert on it, but I still felt I need it to know more about it, about the history of it, and how the trend started. I found its history in a highly un-academic webpage: Wikipedia. Even though the information came through there, the references used to write the piece were legitimate. I found that everything started in the 1980s and grew from there. It became highly popular when by the same year companies were built around it and it began being commercialized. A girl or a male, if the call was male-oriented, could make more than 50 dollars per call. Now, the pay rate is higher and varies by client and company. After the initial “boom” of the phone sex industry, the legal department started to question and investigate the whole perspective of it, which I found interesting for I bet they themselves might be customers, but the law is the law. They made a Telephone Decency Act which was a rule that no telephone or recording device could be used for indecent commercialization. That act was filed suit and was overturned by 1988. Which I found myself agreeing with because phone sex is not prostitution or another form of selling the body as some people might acclaim.
Saying this, I searched for interviews done on the topic and was surprised at my findings. The couple of interviews that I found were made by two college students that turned to the phone sex industry as a way to pay their university loans and things of the sort. Which I might say I found incredibly amazing and would lie if I said I didn’t think of doing that myself. These girls found themselves in financial trouble and that was the easiest work to have. You have flexible hours and you manage your own income. This is because you can be your own boss when making an account and setting up your own 1–800 number. One of the girls I read an interview on, makes $43,000 annually if not more. I would love my income to be like that at the age of 23.
After reading the interviews I went and watched a documentary about the love industry. It’s called The Digital Love Industry, and even though started with explaining the phone sex industry it swooshes into the digital era and virtual reality. It explains in detail how sex has evolved and how now we can have long-distance sex through a camera with different apparatuses in our hands or the genitalia. Which is in turn an evolution of the phone sex concept. One can still be having the sexual experience through the phone, but now we can see the other person actually performing either by pictures, which would be called sexting or by webcam, face cam, among others. This is highly attractive and ingenious because it raises the connection between the two persons that have an ocean between them.
Afterward, I wanted to have input from actual workers or persons in general who might engage in phone sex. I wrote to several pages like VoiceofShia and TalktoMe to know and learn from their experience, but received no answer from them. I guess not everyone is open to the idea or questions about the topic, even more so if they expect to be harshly judged by the interviewer. Even though I couldn’t get actual people to talk to me about the topic I found that on the TalktoMe page they conducted several interviews on their workers to make them more appealing to the customers. There I found that most of the women and men working on it were because they achieve pleasure and climax making others reach theirs, but it sounded fake and unnatural. This is probably because the interviews are made to attract the clients and not do much more. So I wasn’t successful in that department, but I did found some good material on the academic databases.
I found four good articles approaching the topic and they more or less persuaded me into being even more agreeable with the idea of performing or having phone sex calls. There was a short story called Andorra where there is this bored out of her mind woman who has a long-distance relationship with a married man. She is also married and has kids, but the phone sex relationships she holds keep her mind occupied and stimulated, so phone sex becomes the equivalent of not being alone. Is having someone at the other end of the line who can fulfill what your body is aching for, which you cannot get physically. Phone sex is a virtual reality where a person can fulfill their fantasies without fear of the consequences that come with judgments or physical interactions. And even though some research might make phone sex equivalent to having low self-esteem or being lonely, it is not true. Like I said it can be done for fun or to experiment which is my case.
After conducting this search I started to ponder, and wonder, and muse about my involvement in the whole subject. How better to demonstrate that phone sex is not just for commercial use, but can also strengthen a relationship or even break down bridges between people than to try it myself? So I did. On the night of Halloween seeing that I was all dolled up like a kitty and having no place to go after my class, I started to text my boyfriend. It started as easy and smooth as the wiki how page described, but instead of doing it audibly, we did it by text. First, they were silly pictures or cute pictures of me in front of the mirror or the traditional “selfie” shot, but from there I decided to escalate the fun. I threw myself on the floor and made different positions that would guarantee his assets rising. Then showing a little skin here and there until my whole clothing apparel was on the floor beside me. I successfully made my boyfriend stop playing X-box, his favorite hobby, and pay attention to my nakedness. I can successfully say that he slept quite warmly under the cold weather he encountered that night. But I didn’t stop there I still felt like I need it to experiment a bit more with my found and learning power. I was contacted by a long-lost acquaintance of mine, and even though I didn’t send any pictures of myself I managed to have the same reaction as him. It wasn’t a call, it was text once again, but my willingness of not protesting to his pictures and his actions towards the thoughts in his head of me achieved the same result. I didn’t send him anything of myself, just a very erotic paragraph, but that was sufficient to send him over the edge and me to conduct successfully my observations. Then I finally had a phone sex call and it was like everything the pages of “how-to” mention it would be, for I had a very satisfied person at the other end. It started just like any other conversation, and then the phrases and questions rolled out of ours tongues. Phrases and questions like; “what are you wearing?” “good…good”; “I’m coming”; “I wish you were here”; “Oh fuck me!”; “I want you in my mouth right now”; among others.
So in a way, I put into practice my own research, my own search. I found the phone sex concept to strengthen a long-distance relationship but also can be made just for fun. Phone sex is not just for commercial use, even though is very profitable and not a bad idea, but that is not the only outcome. Phone sex is having the power or the ability to please the other person in the line. Even if is done recreationally, commercially, or personally the result and answer are the same; there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, and definitely strengthens relationships.
