Save yourself so you can save the world.
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” — Winston Churchill
For the last few years, I’ve been working on a textile composting project. Every week, I go to the farm and hang out in my compost area. It’s a ritual of raking out the pile to see what’s going on inside, what’s breaking down or what isn’t.
I deal with a lot of shit in the compost pile — moldy bread, half eaten tacos, stale nuts, cheaply made clothing, grubs and other creepy crawlies, and an abundance of good intentions from the back of the fridge that have since become science experiments. Liquified green beans, I’m looking at you.
After the assesment, I’ll either unload my food scraps in the pile and add more clothing scraps; or I’ll grind the food scraps in the Insinkerator and add a food waste slurry to the pile.
Even with the maggots and science experiments, I love compost. It’s one of my favorite things for a number of reasons. For starters, I think it’s the lowest hanging fruit in the fight against climate change. More on that in another post.
However, my most favorite thing about compost is that even while something is actively decaying, it still yeilds new growth. I find it impressive that something actively rotting can be the foundation for something new to grow. for something new to bloom. for something new to happen.
I find compost to be a metaphor for life; a healthy life, anyway. We grind up the shit we’ve gone through and use it as fodder for the next venture. A bad breakup, the loss of a job, loss of a loved one, bankruptcy, the loss of a limb, any kind of failure. Somehow, we’re still here, still carrying on, still standing even when we thought we couldn’t take another blow. Somehow, we made lemonade out of lemons.
These are always opportunities to compost our experiences and create new possibilities, new identities, new perspectives. Just look at what you’ve overcome already— grief, dissapointment, rejection, addiction, heartbreak, self doubt, debt, abuse, shame.
Look at what you’ve already accomplished— you learned a new language, you started a business, you lost 80 pounds, you sold a piece of art, you bought a house, you raised a child, you went to therapy for the first time, you earned a second of third degree. You continued living even when you didn’t want to.
Compost is a lot like life. We transform the ugly things that happen to us, hopefully we grow from it, we learn from it, we compost it and make room for something else to grow. Much like a lotus flower blooms in mud, we can always choose to grow despite our circumstances. A mentor of mine would even say to exploit those circumstances and extract the lessons from them.
After my grandfather died, I started a bowtie business. My grandfather worked for the circus and his bowtie was one of his signiture items. After the death of my best friend, I switched career fields to pick a torch that she could no longer carry. She’s actually why I want to save the planet and what led me into composting in the first place. I composted my grief and found a purpose.
We are always better off than we think we are because it's our mind that actually controls us, not the things around us. Sometimes, we’re just lost in a negative thought loop. And while the things around us do play some role, it is not the sole contributing factor to what becomes of us. We can grow and move on from anything. The human spirit is a resilent force. But we have to do the work of composting it in order to grow from it and then thrive in our environment. It may take a little while to find our new environment, but we will get there. We owe it to ourselves.
And me, I’m not accepting playing small anymore. I told myself I was the girl that death followed for too long. Those experiences are a part of my story, but they don’t have to be my story. Not anymore. I’ve definitely made progress in my grief over the last few years, but today, I release the grip of trauma and choose to bloom from my experience, like one of those giant 10 foot sunflowers standing proud. I’m learning that its when we own our full story that we being to step in to who we are and tap into our full potential.
Grow through what you go through.
Lastly, the stuff that grows through the compost (like volunteer sunflowers and avocados) is more nutritious because what is compost except a whole bunch of nutrients bound together in one place providing extra health, extra vitamins, extra minerals, and extra love to what it produces. So.. you know… If you're going through hell, keep going.
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