Stonewalled

I’ve made a career out of abandonment
Trying to connect to the idealized versions of those who
I’ve lost touch with, all the while
I’ve been losing sight of her…

Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

She was a rose-colored child
Daydreamer
Butterfly chaser
Stargazer
Quiet observer
Saw the beauty in lightness, through dark
She didn’t seek out a god for there was already
Heaven in everything

Little feet carried massive dreams
A romantic with a heart of spun gold
A girl that wanted nothing more than
To have, to be heard
To feel, and to hold

But her voice has been muffled
Trying to protect her softness, I shut down and shut out
Anyone who threatened to harden her
As it turns out, the stonewalling that occurred did not stop them
but in turn,
Only dimmed her silken glow

Sweet girl was slowly broken
Without consent, prescribed lessons in fear
I just wanted to keep her safe, so I broke ground
And surrounded her brick by brick
Four self-made walls so no one else could build her up to let her down
But I did.

I locked her in, swallowed the key
And left her broken-hearted

Stonewalled —
I wanted to protect you
But I’ve controlled nothing

Stonewalled —
I wanted to protect you
Wound up only hurting

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Jennifer Lyn Bartlett

Jennifer Lyn Bartlett

Musician & writer in LOKELLA. Pen-yielding page scratcher.

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