The Decisions That Are Hard To Make
It’s never easy and it’s never only black and white, regardless of how much you wish it to be.
You know what you want.
Deep inside, you always knew it.
There were no words in your mind.
There was just this feeling you were trying to resist.
However, you kept deliberately pushing yourself in the other direction.
Saying the gut feeling cannot be right.
Experiencing once again the eternal fight of a heart and mind.
And well, trauma and its patterns like to come for a tea party as well, just so you are not bored.
Maybe you hesitate.
Even though the heart is clear on what to do, you do hesitate after all.
Running through all pros and cons.
Over and over again.
And at some point, when you decide, you are mad.
You are mad that decision-making is never black and white.
You are mad that you decided for one option, but the other one is not just bad.
That the other one you are leaving behind has still some positives.
And those positives you are about to lose don’t let your mind sleep.
The mind that is tossing you from side to side between those two camps while you are hoping you find pure heaven in one and pure hell in the other.
However, it’s seldom like that.
And often the fact that nothing is black and white is actually killing our dream of clear steps and a wish of never looking back.
Of never leaving regrets.
Of never hoping for different outcomes.
You might think that the mind is the boss providing all the answers and helping to reach the best decisions until you totally entangle yourself in all those rational arguments and realize that despite your mind is an amazing servant, the gut feeling is a true queen.
