Unanticipated benefits of having experienced an Anxiety Disorder
There is perhaps no suffering more unbearable than the torture of Panic Disorder. Panic is an isolating experience, a repeat trauma not easily explained to others (even people who’ve also experienced a true panic attack) and carries a shameful, stigmatizing label — adding salt to a wounded soul.
You realize after this kind of experience how little to no appreciation for how all the vital systems (respiratory, circulatory, central nervous system) interact in what you now understand as this insanely delicate balance. You also realize after this kind of experience, if you are lucky, how much control you can have over your own body.
For me, Panic Disorder was a blessing in disguise though I’m not too sure that during my years suffering I would have considered it that. In hindsight, it was a gift that transformed me unimaginable ways. Here are a few:
1. Panic Disorder allowed me to empathize more deeply for others
You have a heightened sense of awareness about almost everything with panic disorder. This overwhelming and humbling self-awareness extends beyond yourself though because you now have a more profound sense of empathy for others’ struggles in general. You wonder what silent battles they are fighting that are invisible to everyone around them too. You understand because no one takes your struggle seriously. You remember what life was like before you met panic, and so now you know now more than ever that life is precious and your health is everything. You are forced to live with that reminder daily.
2. Taught me to honor my body
I learned that our bodies are just a vehicle for our soul — that my mind and my consciousness are separate from my physical body, but I have to take care of both to be healthy and whole. I read once that “healthy eating is a form of self-respect” and that now resonates with me more than I ever understood before the panic started.
If you smoke or drink or eat fast food on the regular, you will have to give these bad habits up to treat Panic Disorder without medication, to cure it the natural way. It actually takes courage to embark on this journey and commit to a healthier lifestyle. I say this is “courageous” because living without alcohol, gluten, and sugar is literally going against the grain in American culture. It means you may have to change your social circles and even your comfort foods that you didn’t realize were comfort foods. It means you may feel unexpectedly isolated from society when you actually have the courage to change your lifestyle, but eventually, you will find your people again. People with similar values. People that understand.
3. And by honoring my body, it helped me dodge other health issues
Panic Disorder motivated me to get healthy and that lifestyle change to get healthy prevented other long term health issues down the road. After switching to a low sugar plant-based diet and integrating a daily exercise routine, I lowered my risk for diabetes, coronary diseases, and potentially neurological diseases like Alzheimer’s. I definitely dodged a few bullets by completely cutting out drinking and smoking.
And also, I found yoga. I highly doubt with all my preconceived notions that I would have ever gotten into yoga if it weren’t for having Panic Disorder. It’s exercise, detoxification, meditation, restoration — it’s everything all wrapped up in one beautiful ritual that has become an integral part of my life and my recovery. The medical and scientific research on the benefits of yoga is exploding exponentially right now too, so much so that its reputation amongst health care providers might soon dramatically shift.
4. Developed a stronger sense of self-confidence
I knew the convenience of alcohol and its offerings of liquid courage, but I didn’t fully realize that alcohol was this sort of social lubricant that most of us (to varying degrees) depend on by default. Think holiday work parties — even if you’re not a drinker, I’m willing to bet you have a drink to get through those work parties. Quitting the bar scene for me meant losing almost all my friends (as a 23-year-old) and skipping happy hours mean not connecting with coworkers (seems to be the backbone of corporate socialization)— giving up alcohol dramatically altered my social life and even impacted my work-life.
It was also interesting to see how many people, especially coworkers, were really uncomfortable to be around me if I wasn’t drinking too. Suddenly my weekends were empty and lonely, but I had more free time to explore my interests. Between books and yoga class, I discovered so many new hobbies with my free time that actually have developed me as an individual. Completely giving up alcohol will reveal so much.
5. Allowed me to appreciate my role in the tribe
We all need to feel a sense of purpose in our lives and sense of belonging in society — group dynamics and social psychology are way more interesting to me now after having Panic Disorder (more so after overcoming it and getting to a more confident place with myself).
For years, I was always treated by friends and family as the “worrier.” Our culture will make you believe this is a negative character trait like all that “worrying” brought you to this state. But maybe you are so in tuned with something, that worrying is just an expression for your level of awareness that other people just aren’t as privy. We are often the canary in the coal mine. Our heightened sense of awareness is a valuable characteristic that serves an important role in society.
6. Forced me to look at the world from a different perspective
I have my Bachelor’s of Science and work as a professional engineer in an applied math and science position. My educational background, even before college, seemed to hardwire a certain way of thinking about the world. Working in a disciplined field I flex logic and analytic muscles daily to the point of reflex now.
Panic Disorder, however, forced me to change what I thought I knew to be true about the world. After years of traditional medicine without any results, I was forced to open up to the possibilities outside of the scientific consensus and navigate on my own the world of “alternative” medicine. I learned that there are many ways of “knowing” and that science doesn’t have all the answers.
“Science does not need mysticism and mysticism does not need science, but man needs both.”
