Values Are Not Static They Will And Must Change
I used to have a set of values that I strictly adhered to, which were very selfish and ungodly. Based on my primal desire to be at the top, no matter who they hurt. It worked until these values cost me a relationship with someone I deeply cared about. It hurt so much because this person had repeatedly expressed concern about how my values hurt people. However, I was so stubborn and engrossed in my values to take heed and change. So, they left and I had nowhere to go, except the only place I know to run to, God. I knew God was not happy but I still ran to him because I know that he is merciful. After three days of fasting 12 hours a day and praying for a revelation, an answer of some sort, He pointed me to1 Corinthians 13:4–7 and which reads:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Which prompted me to re-evaluate and change my values. Here are the before and after versions:
LOYALTY / Before
Loyalty Is an important value of mine I live by it and stick to it. I am not a yes man but I will stick up for you through thick and thin. Loyalty does not come cheap; it Is an expensive affair. It is costly to those who have people who are loyal to them but it is also costly to those who are loyal. Loyalty requires one to make a sacrifice, people die for the sake of loyalty. A soldier risks his life to defend his nation out of loyalty, people are arrested and embarrassed for being loyal to a country, cause, group of people, or a certain person. People get disowned by their families for being loyal to a lover or friend. Being loyal takes guts and courage. You need to be able to resist the attempt to give up, you need to resist the negatives and stick up for those you care about. Loyalty can break or make people in the same way loyalty can make or break a regime. A regime can be toppled because of lack of loyalty. I usually say do me good once and I will remember you when you need me. If you do nothing bad to me and I know you can count on me to come for you in the time of trouble. To show you that my loyalty is genuine, I forgive but I do not forget, therefore if you wrong me and you realize that you need my help I will help you but first I will teach you a lesson one you will keep with you for the rest of your life.
LOYALTY / After
Loyalty Is an important value of mine I live by it and stick to it. I am not a yes man but I will stick up for you through thick and thin. Loyalty does not come cheap; it Is an expensive affair. It is costly to those who have people who are loyal to them but it is also costly to those who are loyal. Loyalty requires one to make a sacrifice, people die for the sake of loyalty. A soldier risks his life to defend his nation out of loyalty, people are arrested and embarrassed for being loyal to a country, cause, group of people, or a certain person. People get disowned by their families for being loyal to a lover or friend. Being loyal takes guts and courage. You need to be able to resist the attempt to give up, you need to resist the negatives and stick up for those you care about. Loyalty can break or make people in the same way loyalty can make or break a regime. A regime can be toppled because of a lack of loyalty. I usually say do me good once and I will remember you when you need me. If you do nothing bad to me and I know you can count on me to come for you in the time of trouble. To show you that my loyalty is genuine, I forgive, and I will forget because that is what the bible says, love which is the root of loyalty does not keep a record of wrongs. To forgive is to forget.
KINDNESS / Before
Kindness is important. As a Christian, I follow Christian teachings. There is a verse in the bible that speaks of giving freely and cheerfully for God loves a cheerful giver. You may not believe in God or karma but I do. For every action, there is an equal reaction. If you want kindness then you must be kind to others and do unto others as you want others to do unto you. I believe in small things, the finer details, and the small actions. Everything in life is a sum of numerous small actions all combined to create the big picture. Just like a great painting such as the Mona Lisa all began with one small simple stroke of paint. If you ask me for help I will help you. However, just because I am kind does not mean I am weak. Do not be fooled. I believe that if you are kind to one person their perspective on life changes and they go on in their lives being kind to at least one other person.
KINDNESS / After
Kindness is important. As a Christian, I follow Christian teachings. There is a verse in the bible that speaks of giving freely and cheerfully for God loves a cheerful giver. You may not believe in God or karma but I do. For every action, there is an equal reaction. If you want kindness then you must be kind to others and do unto others as you want others to do unto you. I believe in small things, the finer details the small actions. Everything in life is a sum of numerous small actions all combined to create the big picture. Just like a great painting such as the Mona Lisa all began with one small simple stroke of paint. If you ask me for help I will help you. I believe that if you are kind to one person their perspective on life changes and they go on in their lives being kind to at least one other person.
PUNCTUALITY / Before
Being on time is a sign of respect, arriving on time, and do not keep people waiting for more than they need to. Personally, I do not like waiting for more than I need to. If you give me a time you better honor it. Do not tell me to come at 5 pm and you open the door for me or turn up at 5.30 pm, I can accept 10 minutes late but longer than that I will not be happy. If you tell someone you can do a job in 5 hours, please do it in 5 hours if you cannot provide an explanation why you cannot and provide a new due date or time. We live in a world where things do not go smoothly so things go wrong and that is ok but do not let it be an excuse for tardiness. Personally, I try to do things in the least time as possible when I put you or accommodate you in my schedule or turn up to a meeting on the time it doesn’t mean I have nothing better to do, it just means I value your time and respect you and I expect the same of you.
PUNCTUALITY / After
Being on time is a value of mine. I will try to be at a place or activity when I said I will be there. However I cannot hold other people to the same yardstick as myself, I have no idea what they are going through in life. Not everyone is late by choice. Some people genuinely want to be on time and they just cannot be on time. Cut them some slack. If you care about them, you will be patient with them and hear them out first instead of writing them off.
RESPECT / Before
If I don’t like it doesn’t mean I do not respect you. I may not agree with your views or comments but I respect you as a person and not by your comments, we may be on the opposite sides of the political divide but that does not mean we cannot drink at the same bar or café. Respect people for who they are you can accept their views but you do not have to agree with them. Some say if you have nothing good to say keep quiet. That way you have less chance of being offensive. I respect people because I expect to be respected. Tolerate others because we live in a world where people have different views, values, cultures, and attitudes towards different issues. We cannot have a standardized system it will never be possible and when you try to impose your ideas on other people there will be some friction which leads to conflict. The best shot at co-existence is to tolerate each other to an extent that yields the most benefit to society and that happens when it is mixed with respect. You can expect me to tolerate your views when you cannot tolerate mine, that is a sign of disrespect.
RESPECT / After
Respect is earned and is almost always reciprocal respect yourself and others and they will respect you too. Respect should never be demanded, that is the quickest way to lose it. What you get is not respect but fear. People will fear you but they will not respect you. What you want is respect, respect is always earned, and fear is enforced. When someone more powerful than you comes along, others will no longer fear you, and with that goes your “enforced” respect. When you respectfully tolerate others, others will return the favor and tolerate you too.
Now I will try to live my life based on biblical wisdom and not my own. It may not bring the person back but it will help me become a better citizen, friend, son, brother, and partner.
