We Are Not Always Ready, But We Should
People often say “it is easier said than done”
and why is that?
(I'm not an expert, therefore I’ll talk based on my experience).
People may often tell us about their problems, about how much the struggle they’re facing.
As listeners, we’re indirectly in a ‘more alpha’ position, so we should put ourselves as people who can provide solutions, or at least be a good listener.
There are many ways to be a good listener,
but the best way is to listen and understand another person we’re talking to,
understand their needs.
It should be noted that it is really hard when we are trusted by someone to be their listener for their problems, when they’re struggling and need someone to support and share something with, we should be able to give our best.
It is indeed that the happiness and serenity of others is not our responsibility, but we could get a tremendous feeling when it comes to ‘useful’ for other people, at least that’s what I’ve been feeling. Even when someone doesn’t even tell you a single word, you may feel that there must be something that hit them right in the face, and when you do, you know what should you do.
You might hear the story behind ‘Hey Jude’ by the one and only The Beatles. The song is about John’s son, Julian ‘Jules’ Lennon. Paul McCartney, the man behind the song wrote this in order to comfort him after the divorce between John and Cynthia, his parents. It’s not Paul's responsibility to comfort Jules, but what Paul did has put empathy into another thing up there.
I always have a principle in life that life is like water, not because we should let it flow like a water, but we must be able to put ourselves up wherever we are like water when placed in the glass it will follow the shape of the glass and et cetera.
Just like the saying; when in Rome, do as the Romans.
then, what is the relation in between?
We should be able to see through our company, on other hand we should be good listeners. Indeed, when people talk about their problems they must behave expectations of the response we give, a good response as good as their standards, but all we have to do is ‘only’ give our best feedback.
As I mentioned before, when someone tells us about their problems, we’re indirectly ‘leaned’ and ‘feel’ stronger than the person that we’re talking to. But what we may not realize is it could be the reference when we go through the same thing or problem, we think we could automatically handle it because we have previously given suggestions on the same problem even it goes to others.
However, we should understand that the level of ‘readiness’ is totally different from one to another, even we have given suggestions on the same problem doesn’t necessarily make us ‘ready’ when the problem comes to us.
If you are facing this problem, do these following things I hope it helps;
- Understand Yourself,
When there is a problem, you should understand what of the person you are. There are some people who don’t even know how to face it, but there are some people who actually understand the solution to their problems, but they just need a person to talk to and share some stories with. - Do stuff that can calm you down
Once you understand what kind of people you are, you should figure out how far you can handle yourself.
I used to be a temperamental person, I needed other people in order to make things better, I was a dependent person on the presence of others. But lately, I realize that even though there are some friends we can count on every single time, in the end, the only person that we can ‘count on’ is ourselves.
I found a way to calm myself down by an ‘accident’. At that time I was reckless because of a problem. I listened to the cure’s boys don't cry (I know I'm an old-school), at that time I unconsciously turned out that I was folding a piece of paper into shape, and I tried something different in the same way ‘consciously’ when I was reckless (Again), and it worked quite well for me to calm down on my own, I get such calm when making ‘origami’.
Sometimes, what we aren’t seeking for is the answer to what we’ve been looking for. - Meet people you trust a lot.
We’re human beings, social creatures.
We should have someone we trust to put our head on their shoulders, whether your family, your friends, or whoever it is, at least you have someone you really trust. Maybe you can’t tell a single word about what your problem is because you are a very ‘introvert’ person, but it doesn’t matter because all you have to do is tell your feelings.
Sad, disappointed, whatsoever.
Because when you tell your feelings, you can also put your inner feelings out, cut out the negative thoughts about yourself, and about what could happen and it’s very positive for your mental health. - Seek for the experts.
When you feel like you’ve already looked into yourself and you haven’t been able to ‘find yourself’, find a psychologist. Never be afraid to tell a psychologist about something you can’t control, because that’s what psychologists are for.
Since the psychologist is the ‘neutral’ person, not even your friend, and not even know you. They’re experts in dealing with things like this because they don’t know you at all they don’t have ‘biased’ judgment, they could see things based on the problems that you’re facing. - Accept and let it happen
When you’re done with all of the things above, it’s time to accept and let it happen. Just like Hey Jude;
Hey Jude, don’t make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
If you are the kind of person who prefers to keep all of your problems to yourself, that’s okay. But one thing you should understand is that you have to be mentally strong because others will think that you’re always ‘okay’.
But,
if you feel what I said above is quite useful for some reason and could help you as well, please do it.
Because life will not always be made easy, i hope that our shoulders will always be strengthened.
(p.s, you are loved and you should know that, have a great life ahead)
