When your date is more into himself than he is into you
FYI: Monologues are not sexy
I am pretty sure we’ve all been there at some point, you meet someone (either online or in real life), you get along and decide to take the next step and go on a date. All good so far.
You may even slightly be into the person due to the attraction or interest that built up in the conversations that led to the actual date, so you show up: looking your best and full of (maybe too many) expectations, but surely hoping the conversation will flow as naturally and be as interesting as it was during your previous encounter or your endless online chats.
But let me give you a practical example: I bumped into this guy at the airport a couple of months ago, coming back from my Christmas holidays. We got talking and we ended up being sat next to each other on a very well-timed 3 hours delayed flight. As it happens in those situations in which the circumstances plus a slight attraction add up, we entertained an interesting conversation, and we exchanged phone numbers with the promise (usually not kept) to meet again “sometime”. To my utter surprise that “sometime” really arrived and here I was, extremely excited to meet this guy again and live my real life rom-com.
He was as handsome as I remembered him to be, wearing a well ironed white shirt and a blue jacket with a red handkerchief peeking our of the front pocket. Very well dressed and definitely a sight for the eyes. He opened the door for me as we entered this wine bar and he nicely moved my chair back to help me sit down. Very rom-com like, right? Just wait and see…
As you’ll have it, our drinks arrived and we firstly started catching up on our weeks and then talking about the most different topics: from past holidays, to past relationships but I did feel like something wasn’t quite right in the conversation flow.
I like to think of myself as an effective communicator and a good listener — I rarely feel awkward in social settings and I am able to keep most conversations going with the right stimuli from the other person — but this time it was different. I realised I had been sat there for a hour and two glasses of wine and I had barely said any word. At the time, I brushed it off thinking he was older than me and probably had many interesting stories and facts to talk about but that weird feeling didn’t really leave me.
To make this very long story short, we spent about five hours together and I had probably only contributed to the conversation for 10 minutes in total. I felt overwhelmed with information and — probably thanks to the wine loosening me up — I asked him if he had planned on asking me any questions about myself. Note that at that point I knew all about his job, his travels, his family, his motorbike, what he liked to eat and how many hours sleep he was getting at night but he knew absolutely nothing about me and this really started annoying me.
He seemed a bit weirded out by my question and said he didn’t realise he’d spoken that much so he profusely apologised and then — right after doing that — he started telling me another ‘interesting’ story about how this girl once asked the same thing after a date and I just stood there looking at him and my interest was decreasing for every additional word coming out of his mouth.
At the end of the date, as he walked me to get the train, I felt fully uninterested towards him. He tried to kiss me and turning my face to the side was one of the most effortless things to do, I didn’t even have to think twice about it.
So people, next time you’re on a date, please make it a point to ensure you’re finding out as much on the other person as they are on you. It makes all the difference in the world and it can help save a real life rom-com.
Needless to say I have not seen him anymore since then and, every now and then, I get random voice messages from him telling me about how busy he is and how he would really like to catch-up over a drink.
