Why Teenagers Do Not Speak Out
Have you ever imagined why teenagers don’t speak out about things?
When they were kids, expressing themselves was a hobby and they loved telling their parents everything they see but getting to the teenage age, it’s no longer an interesting act. Have you wondered why such transition happens?
Reminds me of my teenage self. I always wanted to tell my parents everything but I end up not saying it. Let me tell you a short story of what happened one evening,
I was fifteen years old in junior high school. My parent just bought me a new phone — the first phone I used — and I was very excited.
I couldn’t wait for the next day to come. I had already planned how I would take the phone to school and show it to my friends. They had always desired that I get a phone because I was the only one who didn’t have a phone in my circle. The next day in school, we all celebrated the new phone and I collected their contacts. It was one of the happiest days of my life, I can now reach my friends after school hours.
Barely one week after I got my phone, I already had so many contacts in my phone book and you know what that means — several calls coming.
One evening after dinner, my phone rang. It was a call from my classmate. He called to check up on me and ask if I had had dinner. Unknowingly to me, my mum was behind listening to the conversation. Immediately she heard “have you eaten” she shouted at me and ask me to end the call.
My dad heard her shout and came to ask her why she was shouting. She explained to him that a male friend called to ask me if I had eaten. To cut the story short, I wasn’t allowed to use a phone until my last year in high school.
A lot of emotions transpired after that event. To them, they were being protective but to me, they were being inhumane. I felt unloved. I felt I like I didn’t have a right. I had so many thoughts rolling through my mind that evening. I never recovered from the aftermath of that event until I had another phone.
Were my parents wrong by ‘being protective’? No, but they never considered how I would feel when they seized my phone.
One thing about teenagers that people don’t know about is how emotional they can be. At that stage in life, they seek validation in everything. They are confused within and want acceptance. They seek love but don’t understand the true meaning of love. Love, to them, is anything that gives satisfaction, something that comes with ease and makes them happy.
At the teenage, there is always this sense of arrival — maybe it is because of the maturation of hormone (not proven though).
They feel they are already adults and want to be treated as one. Because of the development, they are often fragile and very emotional despite the fact that they can be strong-headed.
There are several reasons why teenagers do not speak out. Some of them are explained below.
- They Do Not Want To Be Judged: No one likes to be judged and teenagers are not excluded. Teenagers often want to say their mind or share their opinions with anyone but previous experiences with parents or older siblings make them refrain from speaking. We are quick to judge them for their wrong actions and mistakes. This leaves them with a feeling of not been important and it deters them from speaking out in subsequent situations.
- They Are Scared of Being Talked Down On: Everyone wants to be treated with respect. Even when we are disrespectful, we also feel we deserve respect. That is an action that humans portray. In conversations and actions, teenagers feel they deserve respect and demand it from adults. Yeah, they feel like that, they are humans too. When a teenager is talked down on his or her esteem is trampled upon. They will always want to react and earn back their esteem but since the person involved is older and they don’t want to look disrespectful, they stay calm.
- Lack of Trust: Teenagers feel secured to talk when they know they can trust whoever they talk to. Teenagers want their emotions, intimate ideas or even the slightest talk with them to be treated with secrecy. Most times, parents do not understand that. They share every information their teenagers tell them and do not handle their words with secrecy. This violates the trust the teenagers have for them and makes it hard for them to share or talk in subsequent times.
- When Their Emotions Are Misunderstood: Imagine a teenager walking up to you saying something like “I have been having feelings for my classmate, I don’t know what to do.” Being adults, the response they often get from us is a harsh one or we scold them for it. Our response to their emotions often tend to be negative. The notion that teenagers do not have a mind of their own makes us ignore their emotions. Just like every other adult, teenagers have emotions. They want to express it. They want their emotions to be catered for. When we ignore the emotional signals they show, we have actually turn on their mute button. They feel it is not important speak out since you won’t understand their feelings.
- When They Do Not Feel Loved: When it comes to handling teenagers, we should always have it in mind that they are in a world of their own. They create a world of their own and want you to relate with them from their own point of view. Teenagers' understanding of love is so different from that of an adult. A teenager might think it is love when they are allowed to continue in their wrongs, so, when an adult corrects them, the feeling of not being loved sets in. Love must be communicated to them from their own level of understanding and sometimes, adults fail to recognize this. When they do not feel loved from their perspective they resent from talking.
Teenagers are often concern with esteem and love. From the reasons mentioned above, the self esteem of a teenager is mostly affected. If adults can recognize that the emotions of teens matter and esteem them rightly, it would be easier to get them to talk and share their feelings.
