Wish your emotions would just go away?
But they show up for a reason
Most people are not big fans of emotions. They are often seen as an unpredictable by-product of the predictable world of reason. Most times we ignore them or wish they would just go away. But with the world now engulfed in uncertainty, an emotion, we are experiencing a multitude of emotions more than ever before.
Historically emotions have had bad press. In our younger lives, we are told to control our emotions. Don’t cry, don’t get angry, control your excitement, etc. It was as if that driving ‘force’ needed to be controlled.
Then as young adults at work, it continued. I had one boss tell me to ‘leave your emotions outside the office door before you enter’. I felt programmed to act a certain way because of the assumption that emotions were bad and had no place in the office.
I have always considered myself emotionally literate, but my vocabulary was enhanced through Dan Newby’s work on emotional literacy, The Unopened Gift — A Primer in Emotional Literacy.
It was an enlightening moment when I heard Dan’s definition of emotion — the energy that moves us to action, e-motion. This is the energy that urges us to make decisions, walk faster, interrupt someone, stop a problem. The function of emotions is to motivate us to action! Takes a moment to sink in — well it did for me. Food for thought.
Our emotions are triggered everywhere, yet we don’t realise it. Supermarkets spend thousands of dollars perfecting their displays and aromas to entice our emotions to buy! A car salesman sells to our emotions — how awesome we will feel when we own and drive that car. I just saw an advertisement by Masterchef Massimo Bottura who wants to ‘feed people with emotions’!
So why not get to know them better. You might gain some insights that could potentially help you.
There are several important facts about emotions but there are three that are key to help you identify the emotions you are in. You can only gain the right insights and actions when you get to the root of the emotions you are feeling. To illustrate these facts, further below are a sample list of emotions.
The three facts are:
- Emotions have a story
Every emotion is there for a reason. They are there to tell us what is happening within us. They provide information about our interactions with the world. Each emotion has a unique underlying story and a very specific relationship with the story. This remains true for every instance that we experience that emotion. When we understand the story of an emotion and what it means for us in our situation, then the emotion becomes useful to us.
2. Emotions have an impulse
Every emotion has an impulse or a predisposition to have us act a certain way. It is a sensation we feel in the body. We may not follow through with this action, but the emotion will make us want to act in a particular manner. For example, happiness would have us enjoy the moment, sadness would want us to withdraw, and grieve and anger would have us punish the source of injustice, if it had its way.
3. Emotions have a purpose
Purpose helped me the most by focusing my attention and action to the right place. Each emotion has a purpose. It serves an important role in taking care of us. As emotions are there for a reason, its purpose is what helps us navigate the next course of action. They take care of our specific concerns in a distinct way.
Some other facts to note:
- you are never not in an emotion
- you can be in multiple emotions at any time
- emotions are not good or bad
- emotions are not moods. emotions are triggered
- we are not defined by our emotions
- emotions are not drama. Drama is the level of intensity we feel of an emotion
- we can’t control or process our emotions (though we try). We navigate them
- naming an emotion correctly helps reduce its ‘grip’ on us
This is a short introduction to the world of emotions. There is much to be gained from understanding or befriending our emotions. We are more emotionally competent when we understand the subtle differences of distinct emotions, we experience daily.
A few years ago, life threw me one curveball after another. My emotional literacy helped me navigate these curveballs and find a new normal. With the current uncertainties, I now have an enhanced vocabulary and method to navigate the many daily emotions. With outcomes still unclear, how we choose to navigate our emotions is going to determine how we arrive at our new normal.
Here are some emotions I am experiencing now, as I prepare to hit the publish button.
Uncertainty; Story: I am not sure which option will be the better one; Impulse: To hesitate; Purpose: Tells me when the path to take is clear
Curiosity; Story: Tell me more, I want to explore and learn; Impulse: To look for more information; Purpose: Keeps me learning, engaged in life and looking for new possibilities
Gratitude; Story: Life and everything, that is a part of it is a gift; Impulse: To appreciate all that I have received for free; Purpose: Makes me realise that life is a gift and not something I take for granted
Resolve (to publish this article); Story: This requires action; Impulse: To act; Purpose: to move into action
