Wormhole
A tale as old as spacetime
I found a wormhole today. I was making my way through a Whole Foods when I tripped on a box of gluten free pretzel wheels and stumbled headfirst between the organic and conventional snack foods. At first It reminded me of a water slide at one of those Midwestern water parks. That kind of fragility where you can tell they didn’t have a lot of budget for luxuries like safety. Complete pitch, then a light like a needle punching through thick black plastic started at the exact center of things. That pin of light, insignificant at first, moving in red then blue shifts and I am being pushed and pulled (forward, I think, for it’s hard to tell in a place that has no such definitions) toward its brilliance. Then I am blind, only able to perceive the absence of things, until, indeed, a thing begins to appear. Tiny, a single pixel of color against an empty canvas fractals into creation. I, unable to decide if I am living or now dead, merge into that single pixel like the beginnings of a star crossing over the event horizon. Within a moment of spacetime, my state of pure existence solidifies back into human form with firm footing on solid floors. I blink away the cosmic dust, and it becomes clear to me that I am no longer at a Whole Foods deciding between Fig Newman’s and bunny grahams. Instead, I’ve teleported all the way to a small-town Walmart. Stunned, the weight of my body suddenly unbearable, I hear the voice in my head whisper to itself “at least I can still get my snacks”, but no, it was one built before the concept of Superstores. I had hoped my first wormhole experience would have amounted to more than just a shortcut to an aged, low-end conglomerate. The worst part? I had to pay $35.00 for an Uber just to get back to my car. No snacks, organic or conventional, and I’m right back where I started. I used to think Astrophysics was cool… now I know it’s just a dick.
