YOU’RE TOO STRONG FOR A WOMAN,” he says, the VP of the board with the military cut.
-
It’s Alice in Wonderland as I feel myself shrink in the chair facing his big desk.
-
“Take it down a notch,” he barks.
-
Now I’m so small my feet don’t touch the ground, + my heart breaks. Quietly.
-
No one’s ever told me I was too strong.
-
“Sen daglarin anasisin. Daglari yikacak kadar guclusun.”
-
“You can move mountains.”
-
This is what my parents said to me every day growing up.
-
When this happens, I am 35, living in Fargo, North Dakota, far from my native country of Turkey where the blue Mediterranean swells + fierce Ottoman women rule.
-
Cut to a decade later, different organization, me sitting at my own formidable desk, + a staff member sitting across from me.
-
“You’ve simply got to do better,” I say sharply.
-
The staff member’s face reddens, then crumples, as fat tears spill down her cheeks.
-
This is my wake-up call. My lowest point. For in that moment, I realize I have become a bitch in heels.
-
Not strong, the way my Ottoman mother + aunts + grandmothers + ancestors were, as they lifted the country from ruin during WWI + into the current day.
-
No. This authority smacked of meanness. The opposite of my training. Because I stuffed down the true strength + grace my family + culture taught me, it came out harsh + cold. Cold + gray as the long Fargo winters.
-
This wasn’t me.
-
I flashed on the blue of the Mediterranean, which lies within me, vast + sparkling one minute, intense + direct the next.
-
That was the true leadership in my blood.
-
The blood of my grandmother, a teacher when women were not even allowed to leave the house. My mother, too. My people. They were the leaders.
-
Compassionate. Able to step back when others reaped rewards. The kind of gentle confident strength that moves mountains with a whisper. Or firm, loving word.
-
From that moment on, I reclaimed my leadership. The kind that sparkles with fierce firmness + softness all at once.
-
The staff member who cried, she is one of our most trusted + successful, standout employees. Every day, she creates magic. I am honored + privileged she gave me a second chance.
-
If you find yourself nodding as you read, if you’re ready to make this shift yourself, comment below or email me at info@sheleadsfearlessly.com. I’m here for you.
