Let’s Talk About Being Alone
For both introverts and extroverts, science is increasingly showing that solitude can massively benefit your wellbeing
The idea of being left alone with nothing but your own thoughts is a frightful prospect for some. But why does solitude get such a bad rap? One study emphasised the rampant fear of solitude by placing participants alone in a room with nothing to do but think. The participants could either sit and pass the time in their own heads, or they could distract themselves from their thoughts by self-administering mild electrical shocks — what would you choose to do? The majority of the study’s participants chose the latter, picking external pain over internal reflection. So why do we hate the idea of doing nothing and being on our own? Is it really as bad as we think it is?
Talking about being alone is hard. As a result of recent cultural shifts supporting self-care, introverts and extroverts alike may face judgement for not finding the ‘right’ balance between social time and alone time. If you enjoy being alone you risk being labelled as ‘anti-social’, ‘boring’, or an ‘old soul’, but if you hate being alone, people may read your rampant sociability as a defect, something that reflects a well-covered ‘inner turmoil’. To address the haters on both sides, let it be known; there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be on your own, just as there is also nothing wrong with not wanting to be on your own.
Individual preference, of course, plays a role in determining whether being alone has a positive or negative impact on your well-being. According to estimates, extroverts, who often dislike being alone, outnumber introverts, who tend to prefer alone time, by about three to one. These lesser spotted introverts are often misconstrued as shy or socially anxious, but this isn’t necessarily true. Introverts do tend to be more quiet, reserved, and introspective, but these characteristics aren’t grown out of fear of interaction: they simply don’t like to spend the bulk of their time interacting with other people. This is because introverts are inward turning, being more focused on internal thoughts, feelings and moods rather than any external stimulation. Extroverts however, fall on the opposite end of the spectrum, being outward turning and feeling a need to seek out external stimulation.
But what makes an introvert an introvert and an extrovert an extrovert? Science has begun to show the possible cause. It all starts with the system responsible for controlling how much information we take in while we’re awake. This system is called our ‘reticular activating system’ or ‘RAS’ and its job is to regulate our arousal levels (…not like that). In response to a threat, our RAS increases arousal levels in order for us to be alert and responsive to potential danger. Each person has a basic set point in terms of arousal levels that determines how alert we are on a day-to-day basis, and it is this set point that may determine who is an introvert and who is an extrovert.
Studies, some of which date back decades like Hans Eyseneck’s arousal theory and his odd but effective Lemon Test, have begun to suggest that introverts have naturally high levels of arousal meaning they are more continuously alert and taking in information from their surroundings. As a result of their naturally high arousal levels, introverts do not need to seek out external stimulation and often need to escape from the resulting overstimulation of social situations to recharge and process. It doesn’t mean that the average introvert wants to be alone all the time — they can still enjoy social interactions. But the key thing to remember is that, after social activity, an introvert will probably want to retreat to a quiet place to wind down.
Extroverts, on the other hand, have a naturally low level of arousal, meaning they need to search out external stimulation to wake up their RAS. Extroverts become bored very easily, and in the search for some arousal, their minds can quickly bring up arousal inducing thoughts and memories — these memories can often be things extroverts would preferably forget. In order to handle these thoughts, or prevent them from popping up, extroverts prefer to wake up their RAS with the external stimulation of social interaction and surround themselves with people to bounce their emotions off of.
Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, it’s all about finding a healthy balance of social interaction and alone time. Darwin’s pyramid of survival firmly places community and family at the foundations of healthy living: That tells us one thing, we human beings are social animals. Research suggests that social isolation and loneliness can increase the risk of heart disease, obesity, anxiety, depression, Alzheimer’s disease, high blood pressure, and even early death. But research is also increasingly showing that there are real benefits to solitude too.
Assistant professor in the department of psychology at Durham University, Thuy-vy Nguyen, studies solitude and has found evidence which shows that it doesn’t hurt your social life — it might actually improve it! According to Nguyen, a regular amount of alone time can help us to regulate our emotions and aids in calming the mind to help us better engage with those around us in healthy ways.
“If we can remove the stigma of being alone and learn to appreciate time by ourselves, we can stop seeing being alone as a negative thing and fully embrace the benefits of healthy solitude.”
However, solitude is only beneficial when it’s regulated. The previous years have given all of us a whole new understanding of solitude (whether we wanted it or not), and what most of us have learnt is that it’s vital to maintain healthy relationships in the quest for high quality alone time. You’re only doing it right if you feel good, and alone time does not count if you spend it working from home.
One survey showed that 64% of freelancers cite feeling loneliness as a result of their job and it’s not hard to see why. For freelancers and creatives especially, who’s home and workplace are often synonymous, it’s hard to differentiate between work life and personal life. Alone time, home time and work time can easily blur into one, making healthy solitude a little more challenging. It’s difficult to switch off, there’s pressure to work religiously in order to ‘make it’, plus when you’re always in your work space, why not work? Ah, the famous last words of every creative before major burnout.
We need to change our view on solitude, refocus the perspective and reframe alone time as some of the most valuable time available to us. If you lean towards extroversion, when you picture solitude, you may visualise laying in a dark room with nothing to do, but solitude doesn’t have to look like this at all. You can do anything by yourself — bar maybe table tennis. Doing things by yourself allows you to enjoy activities you love at your own pace and in your own way and this can be anything. Take yourself out for lunch, go for a walk, spend too much of your pay check in the winter sales with no one else around to judge you! Doing things you love alone has many benefits. It makes your interests your top priority. It allows you to get to know yourself and your own passions. It’s an opportunity to make choices and focus your attention on you without worrying about pleasing others.
We live in a culture where we often confuse being alone for loneliness. If we can remove the stigma of being alone and learn to appreciate time by ourselves, we can stop seeing being alone as a negative thing and fully embrace the benefits of healthy solitude. Whether you’re an introvert who thrives on solitude or an outspoken extrovert who loves to socialise, a little high-quality alone time will go a long way for you and your wellbeing.
