Turning the page…
End of a vacation is a swell time to get reflective. In the last week, I made a short trip to Calcutta to meet an old friend, and then got to spend a lot of time just existing, around the wife and the dog. In these days gone by, a lot of “best of decade” content came at me from all sides — Google Photos, my social media, and everyone in-between took it upon themselves to recap the last 10 years for me. All this nostalgia sends you on a mini mental inventory trip of your own. I briefly flirted with the idea of “my top 10 moments of the decade” only to shoot it down because a) nobody cares and b) refer a. Instead, I felt more convinced to pen down some things I learned. They are more personal, and unlike events, are things I can take a little more credit for. Learning takes work, events more or less “happen” simply by the virtue of existing. So here’s some things I learned in the last decade…
I learned that self-care is more important when you’re down, than when you’re not. Like all of us, I faced some tough times. When I let myself wallow in misery and didn’t take control, I prolonged my suffering. But when I handled the basics during tough times — eating right, working out, practising gratitude — I unlocked a space of more control that’s less affected by circumstances.
I learned that love is work. I’m now approaching a decade of being married, and I can confidently say there’s one person on this planet who truly understands me, and who I truly understand. Love is work because it needs you to iron out some aspects of yourself. Self-change is the hardest kind, but love makes it worth it. I continue to see so many people around me disillusioned by the cinematic idea of perfect love, expecting to be accepted for who they are. Yes, expect to be accepted, but also expect to work on your shi**y aspects (and we all have shi**y aspects we can work on).
I learned that your personal philosophy matters more than confirming to the world. Anytime I compromised a personally held belief to “fit in”, I suffered in the long-term. All of us have a value system that permeates every aspect of our life — career, home, success, failure, money, relationships, even food. Over time, I’ve come to have a philosophy about each of these aspects of my life. While I’m completely open to changing my views basis new info I learn, my beliefs are now more forged, and I intend to let them guide me.
Finally, I learned — plans do not mean shi*. It’s vital to plan — but it’s also vital to remember it’s just that — a plan. Binding ourselves to hard plans takes away serendipity and also sets us up for disappointment. Long-term planning is also a curse of the modern age — 10,000 years ago, one couldn’t plan beyond meals and survival, and that seemed to work fine too. While I commit to the work that awaits the next 10 years, I also commit to letting the universe guide me.
So happy ’20s dear world. Here’s hoping for a meaningful journey — both in the outside world, but also within yourself.
