7 Facts About Contraception I Wish I Knew Sooner
An ultimate guide to busting myths and inaccuracies when it comes to contraception! Let’s look at some facts a nearly-30-year-old learned through her own personal experience.
When in my last check-up I got shouted at by a gynecologist for not taking the hormonal contraceptive pill (at my 29 years of age!), I realized something is terribly wrong with how we talk about contraception, coming from both inexperienced friends, but also educators and doctors, unfortunately.
It’s time I share my piece of advice based on 10+ years of sexually active life without getting pregnant and tell you all about 7 facts, which are the exact opposite of what I was constantly told in my youth, and what I continue to be told to this date. I wish I had known this sooner, it would have saved me a lot of stress and anxiety.
If you are a young person reading this to learn about contraception, I congratulate you for doing your research! Dig in and stay curious, and demand from other adults to get all the information you need about this.
1 The pill is NOT the only viable method against pregnancy.
In my youth, the prevalent opinion I heard from my female friends and from my gynecologist was that the pill was the only viable method to prevent pregnancy. As I explain below, especially regarding condoms, this is completely inaccurate and wrong!
The pill might have a higher percentage of protection on paper, usually said to be around 99% if used perfectly, but if used correctly, other methods can easily be as high. With contraception that’s always the deal: use it correctly.
So, what is the problem with the pill? Mainly that it doesn’t protect you from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and that it has ugly and potentially deadly side effects. First of all, you should always care about STDs, even if you are in a stable relationship. You should ask your partner to do a check-up before having sex without a condom.
Secondly, among other serious side effects, the pill can cause life-threatening blood clots, which can affect “between 1 and 10 in every 10,000 users”, as it states in the leaflet for the Qlaira contraceptive pill I have used in the past. This text comes from the same leaflet:
Rare side effects (between 1 and 10 in every 10,000 users may be affected):
— harmful blood clots in a vein or artery for example:
o in a leg or foot (i.e. DVT) o in a lung (i.e. PE)
o heart attack
o stroke
o mini-stroke or temporary stroke-like symptoms, known as a transient ischaemic attack (TIA)
o blood clots in the liver, stomach/intestine, kidneys or eye.
The chance of having a blood clot may be higher if you have any other conditions that increase this risk (See section 2 for more information on the conditions that increase risk for blood clots and the symptoms of a blood clot).
Here I offer just two among countless articles talking about women who either died or almost died, as a consequence of such deadly blood clots.
In the end, you might conclude that the risk of a blood clot is worth having, as compared to getting pregnant. That is what most doctors will tell you. However, read the rest of this article first. There is plenty of other viable contraceptive methods in the 21st century. Of course, the choice is always yours and no one should make you feel guilty whatever you decide to do.
2 Pulling out is NOT safe at all!
When I was in my adolescent years, most of my colleagues were using the pull-out method! I believe this is due to the poor sexual education people receive back where I’m from. This is probably the worst contraceptive method you can think of and it has a VERY HIGH PROBABILITY OF FAILING!
Can you imagine all the things you are gambling with by doing this: pulling out in the exact second when it is necessary, and trusting that your partner really cares about pulling out at the right time… Unfortunately, I heard about a lot of cases where men see pregnancy as women’s problem, so they wouldn’t care if they preformed this “method” incorrectly. However, even if you trust your partner’s intentions, a mistake can be done by accident, and contraception is all about minimizing accidents. Don’t play this contraception roulette!
3 Condoms ARE effective enough if you use them properly.
When I was a teenager, I heard so many stories of people who mysteriously got pregnant while using a condom, and they had no idea how. The take-home message was: condoms are not very reliable, and you never know when they might let you down. Needless to say, I was terrified and that’s what led me to the pill initially until I became aware of the real danger of its side effects.
(I refer only to male condoms in this article.)
In my personal experience, the idea that condoms often fail couldn’t be further from the truth. Condoms are extremely effective if you put them on correctly (see an example below) AND after intercourse check if the condom might have broken. Note that a condom breaking is extremely rare (it happened to me only once that one broke on the very edge!). However, you should still always check it, if you want your peace of mind, as I do.
So, the only explanation for those mysterious pregnancies I heard about in my teenage years is that: a) those people were ashamed to admit they didn’t use any contraception or b) their condom broke because they put it wrongly and THEY DIDN’T NOTICE. How the hell would you not notice that? Obviously, you should always check.
In case the condom does break, you should get the morning-after pill. In any EU country, you can get them over the counter in pharmacies, without any prescription. Check what the case is where you live, so you are always prepared in case something happens unexpectedly.
To sum up, even though condoms are usually said to be 98% effective with perfect use, if you add the checking if it broke, and the possibility of the morning-after pill, I believe it is actually higher. (If this 98% statistics was correct, I would’ve had a dozen kids by now!) EDIT: CORRECTING THE ANALYSIS OF THE STATISTICS. I realized I misunderstood this statistic. “98% effective” is measured in the following way:
What this means is that 98% doesn’t refer to your probability of a condom failing for a single intercourse, but over the course of a whole year. Now, I said I would’ve had a dozen kids by now. That’s incorrect. Based on this statistic, 2 couples out of a 100 will get pregnant after 1 year. This means that for one individual couple to certainly get pregnant, statistically it needs to pass 50 years. That’s good news, right? Women are not even fertile for 50 years…
Do take this with a grain of salt. Depending on your personality, you might not be as cautious as me, I simply always make sure I use condoms more than perfectly (so I don’t end up in those unlikely 2%). If you are a cautious type, congratulations, you will (with almost exactly a 100% certainty) not get pregnant!
Another tip: choose the condoms of the right size for you or your partner. Size here means the WIDTH, not the length (don’t worry, all condoms are extremely long). For instance, in this guide by Durex, look for things like this: “Nominal Width: 2.20"/56 mm”. Durex offers 52 mm, 52.5 mm, 56 mm, and 57 mm. Finding the right size is a trial-and-error type of thing. The right size matters, because it improves your experience, but also the safety. If it’s too big, it’s loose and could potentially slip, and if it’s too small, it might break. This brings me to my next point…
4 Condoms DO NOT ruin the experience.
I heard this excuse so many times that I want to scream!! Saying that condoms ruin the experience is a petty excuse made up by some men. I don’t know if it is to exert power over women, or maybe because they heard it from other guys… Speaking from my partner’s and my experience, this is simply incorrect. So, women — do not let men use this excuse to make contraception only your problem! And men — please be honest about this and consider what else is on the line when you make such statements. Forcing your partners into using contraception methods they don’t feel comfortable with is not OK, and it’s up to both of you to make it work.
5 There are new effective natural methods on the market!
The old natural method of just counting the days of the cycle in the calendar is doomed to fail too often because women’s cycles can easily be affected by stress and other environmental factors. However, there are some exciting new natural methods on the market! As I have not tried them out myself, I cannot personally recommend them, but there is plenty of evidence that they are quite effective.
We have recently seen a rise in contraceptive apps that use your basal temperature, which you have to measure every day at the same time in the morning, and other data about your cycle to determine whether you are fertile that day or not. The algorithm that makes the estimates about your fertility is quite conservative, and if it doesn’t have enough data, it will give you more fertile or “red” days during the month. During those days you can use condoms or abstain from sex. One such app is Natural Cycles, explained in the video below. There are also tons of reviews and personal experience stories you can check out on YouTube and other platforms.
And while the efficacy of this method is pretty similar to the condom (93% effective with typical use, 98% effective with perfect use), keep in mind that this method applies more to people in long stable relationships, as it does not protect you from STDs, as condoms do.
Since this app method is quite new and it requires a certain amount of diligence to measure the temperature every single day at the same time etc., you should also check out some concerns raised in the media, see the video below. Just like with all contraceptives, it takes some effort to make sure you are using them perfectly.
6 Both women AND men should care about contraception.
The burden of contraception usually falls on women’s shoulders. And in part, I do understand why, women are the ones who can get pregnant, so if they decide for instance to use the natural method app, they are the ones who have to measure their temperature every morning. What I mean by this is that the decision about what contraception to use and how to approach it should be a matter of concern for both partners.
So often women have no choice but to resort to the pill because that’s their safest bet. Too often they cannot trust that the man will care enough to put the condom right or even tell her that it broke. Too often the pregnancy is seen as something that “happens” to women. Except that it always takes two people to have sex, and so it should take two people to be concerned about the contraception they use.
Talk, discuss, and create trust around every decision you make in your relationships, or even one-night stands! There is no reason good enough to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable or face an unnecessary risk, especially when it comes to sex!
7 Abstinence is not a solution, because (most) humans have sex!
You should do what feels right to you, whether that is waiting to feel comfortable with a partner before you decide to have sex or have sex as soon as possible. Unlike what countless people told me when I was growing up, abstinence is NOT the only protection, because denying who you are and what you want is more damaging than anything else.
So, when you decide to have sex, simply learn about the available contraception methods, choose one, and you are good to go! But, of course, don’t forget to keep a check on your feelings, and what YOU want, not what others are doing or asking you to do. Whoever is exerting any kind of pressure on you to have sex with them, does not deserve to be with you.
And parents, teachers, doctors, please don’t be like Coach Carr from Mean Girls, we deserve so much better!!
Thank you for reading and enjoy sex!
