This Is Not A Sad Story
My father had a kidney failure and he died. I was knocked for a loop, and I lost my best friend in the whole world. Those of you who have lost a loved one know what that’s like. That was my first time in my life to face a death in the family. I didn’t know how to handle it.
I tried to embrace the sorrow. Sorrow is not the opposite of happiness. Sorrow can be called the “beautiful sadness” when the feeling comes from a mixture of great appreciation and extreme longing for the loved one who has passed. Accepting is the only way i could move forward but i knew if i could survive that and learn how to believe in myself again, I could survive anything. It takes a human being a while to adjust to major changes in the world, such as the disappearance of a major pillar of our lives.
Always remember that your pain is only ever equal to how much you loved — this is a gift in life, and something to be cherished.
I started to put aside my personal (fake) needs
I tried to do something positive in my father’s name. I started a charity and a scholarship fund like my father before me. I make a donation though that time i only could give little. After i graduated from university, i’ve managed to get a stable income. There’s a time where one of my friend that i used to do a freelance work during my study tried to reach me out and ask for help. She had to pay her college bills for her, got to take her sister to school, Her parents suddenly divorced. I was thinking, “What will my father do in my position?”.
This help me ease the grieving process by remembering what my Father meant to me when he was here, what he taught me and how much he loved me. He’s a great father to me, my siblings and my cousins. He never think of himself even when he’s on the top of his health and wealth. He always make a donation, help others, no matter how hard the situation that he currently facing. Family always comes first, he never let his family members don’t get a proper education. Hence, i start to apply it in my life.
When you recently graduated from university, and at the first time in your life, by having a proper job with a proper salary, you finally have a chance to satisfy your (fake) needs wether it’s for new gadgets that you think it may help you to perform your task better, new apparels to help you keep looking good, or even a date. I put aside all those things and start to help people around me. It’s like planting a tree or something else that you can watch as they grow. It’s so beautiful. This help me to ease the sadness back into joy.
I Failed by Overdo It
There was the time where i completely forgot that i also have my needs to be fulfilled like the people i tried to help. Sometimes there’s the time where my help turned out that it pause the personal growth of the people that i help. It was my new weakness, can’t say no to people who asked. My brother slap me hard by saying “There’s nothing to prove, bro”, when he saw me that i overdo it and turned into someone that need helps.
I couldn’t understand what it was I was missing… What was it? Where did i go wrong? And i started to miss my father again. I suddenly realise that i didn’t see him all the time and the pain coming back, I decided travel a lot far from my home. Wether it’s for work or leisure. I also managed to get a chance to take a magisterial degree abroad.
Then a single phone call from my Mum, told me how she missed me and told me that she had cancer which i completely forgot about that while i tried to find my zen, also the unbearable truth that my sister is going to divorce her husband suddenly left me devastated. I abandon the chance for my magisterial degree abroad and went back to my Mum’s side. Everything went south even until now. I started to feel the universe kicks me really hard, once again.
And then it hits me, what it was my father gave me. I think it’s the strongest, the most powerful gift I’ve ever received. And it’s a gift I find we don’t like to give to each other, both in our business and our personal lives.
You’re Gonna Make It
I’ve spent four years, since the death of my father, trying to give this gift to other people. The gift my father gave me every day of my life was he believed in me. My father believed in me. He believed in me when I failed. He believed in me when I wasn’t as fine a son, friend, as I could be.
And I’ve done all of that. But he’s the one person who when I didn’t measure up to my standard or someone else’s standard, he’d look me in the eye and say, “You’re gonna make it, I know you are… You’re gonna make it.” And it’s the greatest thing. And I said to myself, “How many people do I give that to? My friends, my subordinates, how often when they make a mistake am I critical, but never, ever look them in the eye and say ‘Son, you’ll make it, I know you will. I know you can. I believe it.’
How many people who I work with do that? How many people who I work for do that?” it’s an incredible gift and I’ve worked it out 4 years now to add it to my personal philosophy. And you have to do it too.
