3 Ways I Live My Personal Brand
Sort of serious advice delivered not-so-seriously.
You’re not just you. You are a brand. I am a brand. In fact, this very article is a part of my brand. (Meta!) And it’s important that you live your brand every day because that’s how you survive capitalism.
What’s a brand?
A brand is a representation, a symbol of what one can expect from a person or company. When you think of John Deere, what do you think? Trusted farm machinery. And deer. That’s not by accident. (Well, the deer thing might be.) It’s a carefully crafted image. You don’t see a Starbucks and think, “I wonder if they have any deals on couches.” Because you know they don’t sell couches no matter how many times you ask the barista.
What does that mean for you?
You have to live your brand 24/7. Every day, all the time, every tweet, every hashtag, every Kelvin filter. If you mess up even once, your brand is dead. (Especially if you’re using Kelvin.) And you may as well be dead, too. (Especially if you’re using Kelvin.) There is no escape. This is your hell now.
Think of it like this…
People don’t hire you as a person. They don’t date you as a person. They hire your potential. They date what you can offer. Is it money? Blowies? (Those apply to both jobs and dating.)
There’s an old marketing adage that goes, “People don’t buy quarter-inch drill bits. They buy quarter-inch holes.”
You are a hole.
People are buying your hole.
To show you what I mean, I’ve written three ways in which I live my personal brand every single day.
- Screaming my own name when I come. Business cards are fine, but overdone. Try what I do — yelling my full name and phone number every time I orgasm. My neighbors know very well who they live next to and, better yet, they know how to get in touch. Which is why I get so many calls asking me to stop screaming my name and phone number after ejaculating. Which is proof it’s working.
- Treat everyone like a potential client. Everyone has money and a need. You want that money and they want that need fulfilled. For example, elderly people have money and they need new hips and shit. You know how much a new hip costs? Whatever the seller wants. It’s a free market, baby. Hell, sometimes I’ll just push an old lady down the stairs so she’ll need a new hip. And guess who has two thumbs and is waiting at the bottom ejaculating/advertising his hip replacements? This guy.
- Be different. For example, don’t steal my “pushing old people” idea. It took me a long time to think of that and it’s mine. Technically, you could steal it and charge less for a hip than I do, but come on, man.
Right about now you might be wondering, “What’s he trying to say? Is he just trying to prove how clever he is to a bunch of total strangers on the Internet?”
Yes. Because that’s my brand. See? I’m living it.
Nathan Wahl 508–498–7896!
