I wonder if Neil Diamond ever regrets writing “Sweet Caroline.”

Don’t you think he must be sick of it by now? Get back to me, Neil.

I think Neil Diamond must hate “Sweet Caroline.” He wrote that song in 1969. That was 47 years ago and he’s had to play it at almost every concert since. The poor bastard.

Like, how many times has he sung the word “ba” alone? He must hear it in his fucking sleep. And everyone wants to sing along. Like, if you know it so well, what do you need me for?

I wonder if he doesn’t ever just stand at the edge of the stage before a performance, close his eyes, and… sigh.

I wonder if he doesn’t ever grab his temples, shake his head and think, “If I could do it all over again…”

In 2007, he said he wrote the song about Caroline Kennedy, who would have been 11 at the time he wrote it. So he played it at her 50th birthday. Then 7 years later, in 2014, in he was, like, “JK. That was bullshit. I wrote it about my then-wife, Marcia. But admittedly, ‘Marcia’ is a shit name for a song. And the Kennedy’s pay double my normal rate.” Caroline Kennedy must have been, like, “What the fuck, Neil?”

I’m paraphrasing, of course.

I mean, surely he’s thankful for the success of it. It made him a titload of money. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a bittersweet success, you know? That maybe he thinks, Hey, I’ve written other shit. Remember “Cracklin’ Rose?” Can we talk about that?

But no, Neil. We can’t talk about it.