As Burning Man Concludes, Tech Community Returns to its Asshole Roots

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—As Burning Man, the annual gathering that celebrates self-expression, inclusion, and acceptance comes to an end, the tech community returns to its usual asshole roots.

“Burning Man is about radical inclusion and accepting everyone regardless of their backgrounds or situations,” Sally Rhinegold told reporters, as she made a hasty beeline from a speakeasy cocktail bar to her Uber in the Tenderloin neighborhood. “Everyone deserves to be loved.”

“You realize that life is about giving more than taking, producing more than consuming,” Brian Murphy said, while he accepted his $5 latte and hesitated for a moment before pressing “$0” tip on the point-of-sale iPad app. “I’m pretty sure the $5 includes tip,” Murphy emphatically justified to himself.

“I love the do-it-yourself nature of Burning Man, from building your own camp to cleaning up after yourself at the end of the week,” Paul Langworthy said, as he flippantly ordered his third Postmates of the day, while writing a scathing 1-star review for his Task Rabbit runner who failed to mop his floor to his meticulous perfection. “Like this runner would absolutely get destroyed on the playa.”

“Burning Man taught me that, at the end of the day, we’re all human beings. The idea that some are better or more privileged than others is utterly absurd,” Paul Katz retorted, as he boarded the faceless Google bus and put on his company issued AirPods.

At press time, Katz was seen brushing off his friend as he was glued to his iPhone, carefully editing an Instagram picture of him on the playa that showed the least amount of gut.


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