List: LinkedIn Messages From Men That Are Totally, Absolutely, Definitely About Business
Dear Lisa,
I have a new business venture that is right up your alley. It’s an exclusive opportunity and I have hand picked only you to discuss it with. Due to the highly competitive field and secretive nature of the opportunity, we can only talk about it at my penthouse with some wine tonight. A very smart girl would take this chance immediately.
Matthew
Hey there! I saw your amazing blog post about “Why do men think they can use any medium to hit on women?” and I had to reach out and congratulate you on the piece. You nailed every point you made and your examples were spot on! I found myself nodding in agreement throughout. Several times I even laughed out loud! Anyway, I’d love to continue this lively discussion and learn more about you. How does sushi tonight sound?
I’m in [an industry that is totally irrelevant to you] in [a location totally far away from you]. Let’s connect.
Lisa,
Checking in again. My penthouse has an excellent view of the bay and I just uncorked a bottle of ’64 Bordeaux. How can anyone simply refuse to discuss a massive business opportunity under these circumstances?
Yours,
Matthew
Looks like we both like business and are on this website! We already have so much in common. I truly love doing business and having communications. I hope it’s not too forward that I’m extremely interested in doing business with you.
Will, Graduate Student Candidate
Hello, I’m Steve. I’m looking to grow my network and you are the perfect candidate. In addition to my long list of accomplishments, I’m also easy going, respectful, 6’2”, 163lbs, with a head full of thick hair and an irresistible zest for life. I’ve learned also that it helps to be upfront in that I’m also recently separated with a son. I’d love to get to know one another and see where it leads.
Lisa,
I assume your Linkedin inbox is filled with sad, pathetic attempts from other men with their business opportunities, which are meager at best. Don’t waste your time entertaining their dubious ventures, as I can assure you that they’re outright scams. I’m aware that it’s 3 a.m., but trust me that this is when the most successful people discuss business endeavors.
This is your absolute last chance at this once-in-a-lifetime offer.
Matthew
I don’t normally use LinkedIn for recruiting and our firm’s headcount has been frozen due to plummeting sales, but when I came across your profile, I could immediately see you working at several different potential positions here. I’ve reached out ASAP, which means I haven’t gotten a chance to view your credentials and professional experience, but I have seen enough to know that your career would truly thrive here. In an effort to maximize your chance of getting a role here, I insist on meeting in person. How about tonight?
As a recruiter, I know that beautiful professionals like yourself don’t stay on the market for long. Given the increased competition amongst professionals, it now takes much more to score your dream job. To better align myself with your goals, I’d love to get a sense of your interests, hobbies, how you like to unwind, pet peeves, favorite tv shows and movies, favorite music genres, and whether or not you’re single. Looking forward to your reply.
Lisa,
Good morning. Re-reading my messages to you in the light of day made me realize that I may have been a bit too forward. Hope we can wipe the slate clean and start over from square one. To show you that I’m truly sorry, I’d love to take you to a four-course dinner. Tonight perhaps?
Matthew
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