Progressive Startup Replaces All Men’s and Women’s Bathrooms with One, Large Genderless Bucket

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—BoomMail, a marketing automation startup, reportedly marked their commitment to both non-binary gender acceptance and equality by replacing their men’s and women’s bathrooms with one, large genderless bucket. “We’ve said that we check our gender at the door. Now, it’s time we put our money where our mouth is,” Randy Parker, the company’s CEO, announced at the weekly All-Hands meeting. “And our non-heteronormative human waste where the bucket is.”

“BoomMail’s level of commitment to workplace equality is what inspired me to join,” Carl Simmons noted, as he casually squatted over the bucket and pinched out a loaf. “Hey, Rachel!” Rachel hastily averted eye contact and escorted her visiting grandmother back to her desk.

BoomMail not only welcomes any individual to freely use the bucket, but also encourages any activity that requires a bucket. “We want to provide a safe space for measured vomiting, controlled bloodletting, and even rage- and lust-free masturbation,” Parker warmly endorsed. “But no clipping your toenails into the bucket. That’s an abhorrent act that should only be done in the increased privacy of your own bathroom in your own home.”

At press time, Parker was seen struggling to strap himself into the breast pump on the now gender-neutral open-air lactation bench.

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Andy Jiang

Andy Jiang

writer, comic, engineer. poking out of my bamboo cage.

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