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QUIZ: SEO Specialist or Tarot Psychic?

Andy Jiang
Jul 14, 2016 · 2 min read

Obviously, every successful, hyper-growth tech company needs both SEO Specialists and Tarot Psychics. This handy quiz will help you tell the difference so you don’t embarrass yourself in front of Brad again.

Below are lines pulled from their job descriptions. Does the description match the job of an SEO specialist or a Tarot Psychic?

Questions

  1. Foretells potential mythical penalizations from key search engines with routine SEO audits
  2. Leverages quantitative skills and the Elemental Dignities to identify and reveal unaspected Tarot cards
  3. Familiar with the various approaches to present key information, including the Mission, Celtic Cross, and the 5-card spread
  4. Proficiency with the vast, clairvoyant, and imperceptible networks of Google and Bing, including Analytics, Adwords, and Webmaster tools
  5. Experience in the process of accruing domain authority by uncovering canonical issues in back links
  6. Ability to access the repository of every experience that has ever occurred through our conceivable universe, which is the Akashic Records
  7. Defines strategic initiatives and processes to understand the Magus and the Book of Thoth
  8. Deeply connected to the higher order importance of XML site maps, HTML, and CSS, and their metaphysical impacts on CPC and CPM
  9. Follows and implements the divine teachings of Avinash Kaushik
  10. Understands the value of the search for spiritual and existential purpose through a repeatable and structured approach

Results

How did you do?
1: SEO
2: Tarot
3: Tarot
4: SEO
5: SEO
6: Tarot
7: Tarot
8: SEO
9: SEO
10: SEO or Tarot (either accepted)

0 to 3 correct: You managed to perform worse than had you just guessed all of the answers. Don’t be discouraged—you can still have an extraordinarily long and successful career as a VC.

4 to 7 correct: Not bad, but not good enough. For the safety of your career, stay clear of Brad.

8 to 10 correct: Huzzah! You’ve given us confidence to finally allow you to pitch your pet project: leveraging cookie-less advertising and the Sephirah graph to determine if we should sell to ants.

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Andreessen Horoscopes

Andreessen Horoscopes is the premiere divination-driven…

Thanks to Mike Ottum

Andy Jiang

Written by

writer, comic, engineer. poking out of my bamboo cage.

Andreessen Horoscopes

Andreessen Horoscopes is the premiere divination-driven venture capital firm. Any investment tips please reach out via twitter.

Andy Jiang

Written by

writer, comic, engineer. poking out of my bamboo cage.

Andreessen Horoscopes

Andreessen Horoscopes is the premiere divination-driven venture capital firm. Any investment tips please reach out via twitter.

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