Reactions to X-Men’s Gay Metaphor Explains Why X-Men Was a Gay Metaphor

The X-Men are gay. They are all gay; they are all gay or black or hispanic or handicapped or alone or orphans or gay. Lately they have been really, really gay.

For ridiculous reasons, in the Marvel (comic) universe, Mutants/ homo-superior (the X-Men, mostly) and Mutates (Spider-Man, Mr. Fantastic, etc.) are seen as entirely different species. Like, to the point where the Human Torch once freaked out that someone thought Spider-Man was a mutant. Double-you-tee-eff, right?

Like it or not, but like most moderately sized pieces of comic book news have been announced pretty loud and pretty goddamn proud through press conferences and (for some reason) The View. I guess it is one way to spread the word of the comic books, but it would be nice if they did not come out a week ahead of time.

Here is the thing; mutants are born with it (maybe its Maybelline), mutates are not; mutants usually find their powers when puberty hits, mutates find their powers when a spider bites them or they get stuck in an explosion of gamma radiation. Are they effectively the same thing? Yes, but that is kind of entirely the idea.

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What does every teenager feel like in high school? A freak.

Whether you can phase through walls, send boys into a catatonic state just by holding their hands, or you have physical deformities and a terrible haircut, we all felt like something nasty in high school. Are these examples ridiculous and outrageous? Yes, but they are also comic books.

Besides just being the modern equivalents of super heroes of yore (Yahweh, Artemis, Zeus, et al.), comic books and their heroes are the result of a fairly well-practiced amount of exaggeration (see: Stephen Colbert, Samantha Bee, or Charles Payne) to point out how ridiculous an argument is by acting as a bit of a Trojan horse. I am sure it has some kind of term or something, but I can’t find it. This is where Bobby Drake (Iceman) comes in and, coincidentally, where the clueless homophobes come out.

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Here is a tip for Helen Thomas: if you have to qualify your statement with “I’m not *-ophobic” then you entirely are. Being gay doesn’t mean you don’t have standards, if anything, being a comic book character means you have incredibly high standards, considering they tend to look like this.
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Yes, God’s word does say homosexuality is a sin — fortunately for the rest of the world, that doesn’t matter a single bit. J.K. Rowling’s word says that it’s okay for Dumbledore, to be gay, so I am siding with her.
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Well, besides the fact that comic books are not films, you know why you keep seeing it in more film and TV? Because real people are real gay, because this shit actually does happen.
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Homosexuality is not a “craze of the week,” Bible-thumpers and socially decrepit people have been demonizing these people for years, even the ones that win wars. Also, alphabetical lists are for choices, numerical ones are not, so technically, Buricleave is asking us to choose one of the two.

So what does all of this nonsense prove? That America is still full of bigoted homophobes, that Franklin Graham is still an idiot and people still need outlandish metaphors to deal with stories about discrimination. Idjits.

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(Get it? Because Shawn Ashmore was Iceman in the X-Men movies and his twin brother was a gay character in Warehouse 13, so it kinda works…)