Of Course I Plan to Seize the Day… Eventually

Every morning, I wake up with a silent promise to seize the day.

Not dramatically. Not like Mel Gibson yelling in blue paint. More like… quietly. With my favorite sports drink in hand.

(I consume sports drinks like I’m running a marathon — but let’s be honest, I only run when absolutely necessary. Like, if a bear is chasing me. And even then, I’d probably just try to reason with it.)

I have every intention of wringing meaning out of the minutes, of living boldly, of charging headfirst into the sunlight like a cinematic protagonist with a purpose and perfect lighting.

And then I scroll Instagram.

Let me explain.

Step 1: Wake Up and Immediately Postpone All Seizing

I’m told the great philosophers woke at dawn to ponder the mysteries of the universe. I wake at dawn to hit snooze three times and reflect on why my pillow is one of the most stable relationships in my life.

(It’s me, my wife, my pillow, and the dogs. We’re basically a sitcom family — one of us sheds constantly, one hogs the blankets, and the rest pretend everything’s fine. And just so we’re clear: I’m the one who sheds. It’s a stress thing. Don’t judge me.)