I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship

Last week was difficult. I’ve been struggling and that affects my health, my thoughts, my sleep and everything else.

I know the problem is mainly me. I want to do everything. Can’t seem to focus and create my priorities.

It’s too much changing at home, at work, in me…

Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesn’t happen again.

Sometimes I just want to pause time: stop and think. How did you came here? Whatever is good, keep it, whatever is bad, just close that chapter. What are you doing? Just focus and get your priorities straight. What are you going to be? How will you get there?

Well, I gotta say: I would like to be a bear and hibernate or some of those new artificial intelligence (one of those that don’t get racist in 24 hours, please) that can learn quick and have no real emotions. God, they have an off button.

Would it be awesome? CTRL + Z would close all your “cold cases”. CTRL + S would save all those good things and special people in your memory, even when it all gets too foogy. When things got bad you could enter in sleep mode or recovery mode…

Not bad at all.

Well, I’m human. Besides all this tired state I’m in, I’ll still learning and changing to a better version of myself. In that I’m like an artificial intelligence, in each version I’m better.

I’m fighting for it. Never got anything that didn’t came from work or from fighting for it. And that’s what makes me human: my struggles — my emotions.

My emotions sometimes get the best of me.

You don’t meet people by accident. There is always a reason. A lesson or a blessing.

Until this week I thought it could be a bad thing for me. That I give myself too much for people. I’ve understood that in fact I got my heart in the right place, maybe too much exposed but well… it’s exposed to someone who wants to know it. Again, those are rare people in my life but the ones who are have everything from me. And I’m not ashamed to show it. I will never be. I’m just thankful for the lessons and blessings that came in my way. But especially for the blessings that stayed.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to break down and cry, show life that you have a million reasons to smile and laugh.

I like special people. Those that shine, that know how to be, that know how to listen, that know how to see the difference between having and being. People who value friends and moments. Attentive people, that can see the sadness behind a look. People who value and take care.

Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.

So being grateful for the special people in my life is kind of a brand characteristic, that will never change. It doesn’t need to.

One of the most difficult times of my life is coming: my birthday. It was always a bad day… it was the day I’ve always asked myself — What are you doing here? You don’t deserve it. I really thought I shouldn’t have born. This year, I’ll spend it away from home. Away from all the sadness my family gives to christmas and new year’s eve. But with the family I need with me and in my heart (my boyfriend and my “special” friends).

This will be a heavy month for me: I’ll turn the page to many things, close some chapters, clean my tears and take a deep breath.

I’ve gotta get my chin up, smile, be proud of myself, of what I am and regain the love for myself.

I gotta renew the cycle, get a step back, see the things in perspective, take care of me, give space to things and believe it will all be okay.

My eyes can’t be to the ground, need to see ahead and help me get to my future self.

Let’s get a new cycle and thank with the heart ❤.

I’ll never ask again “why me?” to what life throws at me, i’ll say “try me!”. She already has faith that I can handle it.

Again, the problem is me that don’t believe in myself. Let’s change that.

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