Gazing at the Bottom of the Hill
Originally published on Facebook on March 31, 2015
According to the world, today is my last day at the peak of the mountain, for tomorrow, I shall be over the hill.
I look around, and sometimes, it feels the world is just passing by. I struggle with internal demons, especially the most visible one surrounding my weight. Sure, I put on a good face, but I see people’s reactions at the pool, am embarrassed to be out of breath after a walk, and sweating for no good reason in the middle of winter (thank you for pointing it out).
This demon tempts me a lot, he likes to pop up at work, with a constant supply of treats and lunch-time French fries. And later, for dinner, he pops up again, with a wonderful pizza. He’s so good, I completely forget he’s around until I’ve succumbed to his tasty temptations. After feeding me his evil, at the end of the day, demon saps all my energy. I don’t know where he puts it, I’ve looked around. For certain, it has been misplaced, if not downright stolen. Demon says, “Come sit down, you are tired. Let’s turn on this picture box and watch it all night.” Demon is sometimes really good at making me dislike myself.
My mountain bike keeps calling my name. The trails and adventure. The smell of the forest. The rattle of the chain as one passes over rocks.The demon shouts back, “You can’t do that, you break a sweat doing the Cha-Cha Slide.”
The basketball hoop stands tall, play some one-on-one with your son, even if he’ll kick your butt, again. Again the demon responds, “You can’t do that, you lose your breath just thinking about running. Remember how your chest hurts?” Again he says, “Come sit down…”
My friends summon, let’s go out on the town, hit the clubs, go dancing. The demon responds for me again, “Sir, you are quite silly, you only wear baggy T-Shirts to cover your body; you can’t go to a club. Come, sit down…”
I’ve been here before with this demon. He is a treacherous and worthy adversary. I once won the battle, but he fought back just a few years later. However, the Demon hasn’t yet realized that today, of all days, is not the peak of the hill, but rather, a simple valley. From here, I must go up. To fight back, and win the next battle. My mountain bike shall know me again, my son shall have a dad to beat at basketball, and maybe, just maybe, I will go dancing.
I may be turning forty tomorrow, but I am not yet over the hill.
